ModeratorApril 6, 2020 at 7:02 am
This is a thread for writers to post and get critc. If you are looking for feeback, advise or just a friendly word of encouragement on your writing please post here for the 8-page Challenage.
If you are a non- writer but looking to learn, and grow please feel free to add your positive feedback and opinions, always remember when commenting on other peoples work to be respectful and try to answer with reasoning as to why you feel the way you do.
And remember options are like… well you know. Let’s be respectful both given and recieving critics.
Erin (AKA The Redheadeded)
MemberApril 7, 2020 at 2:04 am
Okay so week one is just concept submission. And here are mine:
1- This one is my “back up” so to say.
I will be writing it between me and my husband, and it was my husband’s idea. Although he might think of something better given a little bit more time. This is the one I might end up drawing and pretty much doing on my own if I don’t find anyone else’s story that I click with and want to draw.
It’s a gritty post apocalyptic story that takes place in like a desert or ruined city. A wizard is trying to use magic and stuff to bring a seed back to life. Some goblins and stuff attack him/his base and they have a battle. He dies but later is seen that the seed/plant has sprouted from his corpse. All action, no dialog.
2- Writing only. I would prefer to find someone who can do a traditional realistic comic style, of which I have very little experience doing.
A little boy with super hero powers lives in a normal town in a normal world. Unlike most super hero (kids) everyone in the town knows about him and has big hopes for him when he grows up.
Conflict: Boy gets upset when he doesn’t make it to the baseball team. Teachers/coach had decided it was for the best (unfair to other teams, might injure someone). Boy contemplates what’s the point of having super powers and how it’s unfair that he can’t have a normal life.
Resolution: I don’t know XD. So far I think he should meet someone with a disability (either an adult he doesn’t know or a fellow classmate that he didn’t realize had a disability, like asthma, who also can’t play baseball). And realizes that his issues aren’t special to his own and that there are plenty of people who don’t have “normal” lives and they coupe.
In general it has no action save for a few parts where he is showing off the fact that he has powers, and lots of dialog. Not only does it explore the concept of a super hero in the real real world (no super villains, no monsters, no end of world) but one where a character comes to terms with his gifts and their disadvantages.
Okay so that’s it. I have a lot more details thought out and even the general page pacing but I’m going by the book here and only laying out the concept.
I also look forward to reading other people’s ideas/concept and hope to find one that catches my interest that I want to draw for.
MemberApril 7, 2020 at 6:33 am
Sadly, I missed the hangout call, but I’m going to follow Zammap’s Lead.
While weel-verse in traditional superhero comics, lately I’ve shifted my focus to telling stories featuring younger characters. My concepts are still in an early phase, but I’m planning to expand on them with the directions giving
1) Armed with a “magic” camera, two kids venture out into the forest behind their house to find otherworldly animals. Even though their camera can’t find anything out of the ordinary, maybe there’s more to this forest than meets the eye.
2) In this noir-like tale, a young detective is given the case of her elementary school career when a client goes to her with proof of the lunchtime bandit. The young PI is happy to prove to the others that she’s the best at what she does. But with crooked hall monitors, lazy teachers, and ears that seem to be everywhere, this PI might have bitten off more than she could chew.
Still working on the details of both concepts, but I’m looking forward to feedback!
ModeratorApril 7, 2020 at 8:03 am
Rakeem: Have you ever seen the Phineus and Ferb episode where they act like noir detectives? Your second concept reminds me of that a bit. You could really build up some nice irony by juxtaposing the noir conventions with the setting.
ModeratorApril 7, 2020 at 8:06 am
Zammap: I like the first concept a lot for this format. It has a clear, tight arc that would work well in an 8 page short. I’ve also always been a fan of circular narrative, and the way you describe the beginning and the end could lend itself to some really nice visual parallels that could be very nice in a comic.
ModeratorApril 7, 2020 at 8:26 am
So, here’s my initial concept: A day in the life of Mr. Stupendous, a slightly outmoded superhero living in the modern world. The story would consist of episodic vignettes throughout his day, including things like having to change into his costume in a port-a-potty because there are no longer any phonebooths, having to replace his wife’s concealer (which he has been using to cover his bruises from his battles with super-villains, and using his flying power to rush to work when he misses his train, only to get caught in the rain. Each episode would end with him sarcastically saying, “stupendous.”
The key, I think, is going to be in the plotting. The individual vignettes should work well, as I think the jokes are pretty strong, and I have hopes for this character that extend beyond the challenge, but I will need to figure out how to connect the episodes into an over-arching story that carries through the eight pages. I am thinking of using a “24” style clock to indicate the time of day, but I want to figure out an arc that ties the various episodes together beyond just the fact that they occur in the same day (or even that they are typical of things which take place most days during that time).
MemberApril 8, 2020 at 2:58 am
I do like the comedy/comic style of the stories. I think to help figure out more ideas is to focus on the old tropes and see which ones don’t work anymore. Like, putting on glasses might trick your friends and co-workers but they won’t trick an AI face recognition. Or… Drones. Or.. like Spiderman used to sell his own photoed but now everyone has a cellphone and takes photos and video for free. Or… Waiting for electrical car to charge. Or .. cyber bullying. Or… Fashion. Or… Sexism. Or… Radiation. Property damage bills
ModeratorApril 8, 2020 at 8:43 am
OK, so here is my elevador pitch: “The story is about six women who wake up after a bachlorette to find they have to escape the zombie apocalypse in Dallas, TX.”
One sentense short sweet to the point. I have the story laid out and written, since I kinda got a head start on this. But each woman is based on a different character architype (three traditional, three I don’t see represented often on their own).
So far the ideas are very interesting and differnt. Looking forward to seeing how all this plays out.
@Zammap – I like the first idea you have I am looking forward to seeing how you visualize it.
@rakeemnelson – I liked your second idea seeing the school staff from the point of view of a kid PI is a pretty cool idea.
@thesurrealari – Are you going to focus more on the mundane aspects of the superhero life or will it be the fighting crime and supervilians as well?
ModeratorApril 9, 2020 at 11:00 am
Here is my concept: A black teenage girl named Latasha Conyers fights crime with her lava powers as the world-famous superhero “Lavatasha.” I just finished my version of the script for my 8 pages in which she stops a supervillain named Black Ice from robbing a bank.
MemberApril 10, 2020 at 6:54 am
Concept: An inmate at a maximum prison facility for super villains, is blackmailed into robbing a rival gang.
Lee Franklin vs Bug-Eyes
Lee Franklin’s cellmate is missing. When a goon comes with a message for Lee to meet with the kingpin, it’s clear where the cellmate is gone. Lee goes to the kingpin’s cell. Lee finds out if he wants to see his cellmate again, Lee will go to visitation and steal a drug drop from a rival gang.
As Lee sits down at visitation, Lee is met by his contact. The contact slides over a packet with pictures of Lee’s kids for further motivation. Turns out the rival gangs drug mule is former superhero, Bug-Eyes. As Bug-Eyes gets up to go into the restroom, Lee follows closely behind. Bug-Eyes ducks into a bathroom stall to do his drug mule business. Lee busts the stall door open hoping for an easy pick. Instead he finds Bug-Eyes in full costume and Bug-Eyes power dampening collar removed.
A brawl breaks out between the two. This was set up by Bug-Eyes. He was never the gang’s mule, but in actuality the master of his former super villain rivals. Bug-Eyes intends to kill Lee and his cellmate, as they were the ones who killed Bug-Eyes vigilante friend on the outside of prison. Bug-Eyes blasts Lee out of the restroom.In the frantic rushing of loved ones and fellow inmates, Lee finds a smuggled pen. Lee trick-shots the pen into the wings of Bug-Eyes. Causing Bug-Eyes to crash down long enough for guards to subdue him.
MemberApril 10, 2020 at 8:15 am
Girl from the 25th century and her 19th century Cowboy companion are being chased by guardsmen in the Middle-ages. Captured by the Evil Knight, they are taken back to his dungeon where they await torture and execution (’cause it’s the Middle-ages).
Evil Knight meets with future-girl’s nemesis, Evil Professor, who has been tracking her across time. Before they can be handed over, a young Squire frees them from the dungeon and they reaquire their future-tech. They race through the castle, finding a room where future-girl opens up a time portal. The last panel has all three of them standing confused in 21st century New York, repeater, sword, and time-wand at the ready.
- This reply was modified 11 months ago by philipspace.
ModeratorApril 10, 2020 at 8:26 am
@redheadeded: There will be some action at the margins of the story, but mostly it will follow the more mundane consequences. The readers will see snippets of the battle, but probably not full-on action sequences that span a page or two. For example, in the port-a-potty gag, he will hear the call for help, but after searching for the phonebooth unsuccessfully, will arrive too late, after the action has occurred. However, I plan on showing his in the battle where he gets punched in the face to establish the reason he needs his wife’s concealer.
@zammap: That is a lot. Maybe if the character lives on, but in an 8 page comic, I will need to pick and choose the events to fit it in the appropriate space.
MemberApril 11, 2020 at 11:33 pm
Camriddeon and the Leighman Lurkers
Written by: Jack Holder
Illustrated by: Evan Scale
Told from the perspective of one of the village boys.
Camriddeon is a young mage in the court of the king known as the Wild Bear. He is sent to investigate tales of monsters plaguing a small village town called Leighman. He comes into the town, speaking with elders, and playing with the children at the same time.
There is talk of the Leighman Lurker. A terrifying beast that dwells on the old crossroad just outside of town. For decades it has done harmless pranks, but now, it seems to have developed a taste for blood.
Late at night, Camriddeon goes out and takes on a terrifying beast. The boy sneaks out, and watches Camriddeon take on the Lurker. A winged, clawed thing, while he does battle with magic and a will to match. He destroys the beast, and is about to bend down towards something, before turning and sending the boy home.
The townsfolk cheer Camriddeon on the next day. And he talks with the townsfolk, happy for what has happened. But the boy can see a small sadness in Camriddeon, and silently follows him again. Camriddeon goes back to the crossroads, and sees the true Lurker. A misshapen, glowing spirit, ugly and depressed. Camriddeon takes the beast with him, far away from the terrors of man.
Camriddeon takes a last look at the boy, who sees what the mage is doing. And the mage smiles, and tosses a ball towards the boy, before being gone without a trace.
MemberApril 12, 2020 at 1:47 am
Hey buds, my concept I’m working on is as follows:
A university funded expedition to an uninhabited planet finds ruins of something they were neither searching or prepared for, the fountain of youth. Due to an unfortunate mistranslation of the dead language littering the tomb the intrepid explorers don’t see the danger lurking in the dry fountain before it’s too late. This isn’t some fount to drink from to regain your lost youth, this is Remigius Lafontaine and he drinks from YOU.
I’m notoriously bad at making things elevator pitch length and I have such an urge not to spoil my own story haha so this was hard enough to get out without my usual ambiguity. It’s basically about a space vampire and the look is something like Treasure Planet with less humans.
The main character will be Samander, a salamander looking alien and one of the cooks in the expedition and as such she doesn’t have much say in the where or why things are happening, she just gets pulled along and in the end is the only “survivor” of the ensuing massacre.
MemberApril 12, 2020 at 5:12 am
this is the story concept for Lyla and My story!
TITLE: Crocus Tavern
Written by Lyla Katz
Art by: David Shear
Hana is your typical high fantasy Tavern keeper. Working hard every night to provide for her regulars as well as adventurers that have returned from or are going on quests.
Hana Inherited the Tavern from her father but is feeling unfulfilled with the busy tavern lifestyle and wonders what she is missing.
After strong-looking Barbarians come to claim the Tavern as their own territory and enslave Hana, a mysterious rogue warrior steps in to save Hana and her Tavern from the ruffians.
The rogue makes it known that their pronouns are they/them and they’re name is Kei.
Hana is enamored by the warrior’s strength and cool personality and asks them to be a full-time security guard at her Tavern to which Kei accepts.
Hana begins her life with Kei and is feeling more fulfilled having someone by her side.
MemberApril 12, 2020 at 9:10 pm
I like the high Fantasy tavern setting. The question that seems to be begged is if Kei is, from a visual standpoint, completely androgynous or is there some kind of gender identifier? Is Kei’s pronoun an essential detail in your story, or is it simply important to you that it be established? It’s your story of course, it just seemed unusual to me that it be included as a specific in your synopsis.
I’m kind of imagining Hana in the final panel with her arm around the waist of an otherwise indistinct, roguish cloaked figure at this point. I’m interested to see how the visual for this turns out.
MemberApril 13, 2020 at 12:22 am
Thanks for asking. Yes, it’s important because there are a few lines we have planned that indicate that pronouns are important to Kei. other than that, Kei is a bit feminine looking. It creates a fight with the barbarians who disrespect Kei’s pronouns. it is an important detail to who Kei is and how they operate.
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 11:13 am
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 12:00 pm
@Zammap Yep! all the characters will be animal-like aliens, because my artist has been feeling animal designs in their art recently so I wanted to work with them
The vampire design is going to be akin to a moth!
ModeratorApril 20, 2020 at 7:50 am
That seems like a lot to establish in just 8 pages! I’m not a writer and I’m new to making comics so I’m interested to see how you invision this all coming together!
Erin (AKA The Redheadeded)
ModeratorApril 20, 2020 at 8:17 am
@zammap Yes the entire story is the interplay between the women and how they navigate what I perceive to be the top 6 female archtypes.
- Virgin / Mother / Matron / Lover / Bitch (or Ex-Lover) / Omega (Woman not associated with men).
Basically I want to see how a group of women will navigate the Zombie apolcolipse without men (for the most part).. It will rely heavly on their interactions and how they deal with what’s in front of them as a group of cooporative (or non-cooraproative) women. The most important thing to me is their interactions and reactions to the situcation that’s my story focus. I realize also that these women are playing architypes, they may or may not actually be mother’s, lover’s, etc. but that’s the role they play in the group. And they will not all be straight. Although I am straight myself, so I am nervous to protray a different sexualty than mine. I think I have a good handle on the characters so we’ll see how I do, hopefully I’m not downright insulting.
So here is my plot:
“We open on a small suburban house in Dallas. Six women in various states of a hangover wake up after a barchelorett party and each comes to realize there is a zombie at the front door. The women deal with the first zombie which only to annouces their presences to the neighborhood. They rally to escape the house as the hoard begins to descend and breakin. And we see that maybe this group is not as friendly as they could be. Will they survive the zombie onslot? Will the escape the descending hoard? Will that annoying narrator ever shut-up? .. oh.. um I guess we’ll find out.”
After re-reading that post it sounds kinda high concept; but it’s really just a women’s only ‘escape the zombies’ story. So I hope it will be a fun read. My current Story is 28 pages long, so we’ll see how I can trim it to keep it moving, wish me luck!
Erin (AKA the Redheadeded)
MemberMay 5, 2020 at 7:00 pm
MemberSeptember 26, 2020 at 2:26 am
I wanted to let y’all know I’m running a free workshop series next week on ADHD and writing: https://mywritinghero.com/workshop
What: ADHD Writers Workshop
When: 9/28-10/4 (times of sessions vary, and there will be replays if you can’t attend live)
Where: Online! (you get the full schedule and workshop links when you register)
We’ll be talking about how ADHD can affect the writing process, harnessing hyperfocus, escaping the clutches of executive dysfunction, and how to build a writing practice that works with your brain (not someone else’s). I’m super excited and would love to see some familiar faces there!!
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