MemberFebruary 19, 2021 at 7:07 am
I have two broad ideas for my story submission, each one involving the leads from my story in the last anthology, Kip Kerstromm and Vanessa Variable. They’re explorers of space and time, so I tried to see how much fun I could get out of time travel and paradoxes in a short amount of time.
Feedback on the direction of either of these would be helpful, as they could easily creep into the overly robust.
Weekend at Custer’s
We catch Kip Kerstromm and Vanessa Variable in media res, investigating a disturbance at “The Time Inn” a sort of luxury hotel that takes care of individuals who have fallen through the cracks of time and keeps them in good spirits until another rip in the space-time continuum opens to take them home.
One such guest, General Custer, has recently found out that if he returns to his time period, he is fated to die in the Battle of Little Bighorn, and has taken the staff hostage.
Now, Kip and Vanessa must work to outsmart the doomed general and fine a way to get him to his home time period before it closes once more.
Weekend at Custer’s Summary
Having recently finished up another difficult mission, Kip and Vanessa arrive at “The Time Inn,” a famous, intergalactic getaway that just so happens to also take care of individuals who have fallen through the cracks of time, keeping them calm until a rip in the space-time continuum opens to take them home. Our heroes are hoping to take advantage of the former’s free pass for a weekend of relaxation.
Unfortunately for them, one of the hotel’s guests, the time-displaced General Custer, has recently discovered what will happen to him if he returns to his home time and has taken members of the staff hostage. The rip in the time space continuum that was supposed to take him back to his original time period is due in a few days, and it’s his intent to stay until that time passes. There will be no relaxation while he’s around.
Kip and Vanessa spring into action, chasing the general throughout the many floors and time periods of the hotel. They hold a gunfight while riding on Velociraptors from prehistoric times, duel with katanas on a floor representing the Japanese feudal era and even dodge their way through a sci-fi future representing a time period that has not even occurred yet.
As Vanessa complains about their ruined weekend, Kip gets an idea. To Vanessa’s surprise, our hero concedes, telling the general that they’ll let him stay in this period of time as long as they get their relaxing weekend at the hotel. Custer, who himself has come to enjoy the hotel’s luxuries offers to join them, and the trio spend a nice weekend relaxing.
As the weekend comes to a close, however, Kip offers to go for a walk with the general. The two chat, the best of friends, all the while Kip keeps checking his watch. As Custer picks up on this, Kip nonchalantly explains that he was waiting for the general’s time rip to open. At that exact moment, it does, Kip pushes him through it, sending the general back to his original time.
The duo pay brief lip service to the morality of their deception.
Room X02 of Paradox Place Concept
Kip and Vanessa investigate a space time disturbance at a local galactic motel. Due to a chronological impossibility creating a disturbance in time, what once was a one story motel has transformed into a twelve story building. Even stranger, each floor seems to be locked to its own period in time, each one slightly ahead of the other, existing concurrently.
A man has checked in to room 102. That same man is also dead on room 1202. Even more concerning, as time moves forwards, he seems to jump up to his room in the next floor and the next floor and the one after that, each time jump taking him closer and closer to the room of his eventual demise.
With time literally working against them, Kip and Vanessa must work to solve this strange, closed room time loop mystery before it is too late.
Room X02 of Paradox Place Summary
Kip and Vanessa sit in the dingy room of a galactic motel, nonchalantly explaining a time paradox to a scared alien salesman. The poor man looks frightened out of his wits, particularly focused on a suitcase in his room as the space and time faring duo explain the situation as if it was an everyday occurrence. They break it down for him in bad news, good news and weird news.
The bad news is that there are the remains of a vaporized man in room 1202 of the hotel. Even worse, that dead body seems to be the salesman. The good news is that in room 302, where they are right now, that same business man is alive, indicating that some sort of time paradox is at play. The weird news is that the man checked into room 102, noticed something was wrong when his room became 202, and now Kip and Vanessa are talking to him in 302. In other words, he is moving forward in time to the room where he will eventually be assassinated.
Kip and Vanessa bicker as they poorly attempt to calm the businessman down, letting him know that they’ve marked the point on the ground where the blast that vaporizes him comes from and that they intend to question everyone on the floor until they find out who the killer is.
Vanessa leaves the now room 402 to question the suspects while Kip stands on guard. Vanessa then proceeds to interview a colorful gaggle of alien tourists, guests and red herrings, each one less helpful than the last.
While Vanessa’s investigation turns up fruitless, Kip and the Salesman stay back in room 802 to discuss what the other was doing in the sector. Kip reveals that he and Vanessa were chasing a man selling a black market Eradication Ray gun. In response, the Salesman takes out the gun and reveals that he’s the man they were chasing.
A quick scuffle breaks out between the two, with the Salesman managing to pin Kip to the ground, the ray gun trained on our hero. When all hope seems lost, Kip notices that the salesman is standing on top of the spot on the ground the vaporizing blast comes from and kicks the gun upwards just as the salesman fires. As the room transitions from room 1102 to 1202, the blast hits the ceiling, shoots out of the ground and vaporizes the salesman where he stands.
As Vanessa comes back to the room, baffled as to what just happened, Kip readies himself to explain the complicated time paradox back to his partner.
MemberFebruary 21, 2021 at 2:51 am20 Forum Points
I really like the second one! I don’t know if this is due to the way you explain it via summary, but the second story really shines more than the first. I think to focus on when you move over to the scripting phase is the sense of rhythm. Since the comic is 8-pages and the story is taking place over the course of 12 floors/room, find the floors to dedicated a bulk of your time vs. the floors that can be skipped over may be tricky. I have faith tho!
ModeratorFebruary 21, 2021 at 2:53 am
These are great! I like the paradox one cause it keeps you guessing what happens till the end, while the Custer one is a bit more predictabile (that doesn’t mean it’s bad just less suspensful).
I feel like you have a pretty good idea already of what you want to say, and I’m interested in seeing the characters either tourist or hostiages that you have as secondary characters.
I am looking forward to seeing how you visualize the Time Inn, and remember even as the concept and plot are good, to kiss over all (Keep It Simple Silly).
Thanks for posting this, looking forward to working with you again,
D Alley, the Redheadeded
ModeratorFebruary 24, 2021 at 11:31 am
I’m going to put in a vote for the first one. It read like one of the mo0re outrageous Doctor Who episodes (Think the Matt Smith episode, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship). I think that it is really fun, fits the lighthearted tone of your story in the first anthology, and the craziness of the dinosaurs and stuff really works well in this medium. I also think that it is perfect for an 8-page story.
My concern with the second story are twofold: 1. Can you pull it off in 8-pages? It is a bit more complicated plot-wise, and you have alimited amound of space, and 2. Since these are the same characters you used last time, is the more serious/mysterious tone something that you feel fits these characters? Think of how you want to develop the ip in the future, and whether the story fits where you want to take them.
ModeratorMarch 2, 2021 at 9:11 am
When you get a second could you please fill out the form at the bottom of this page so we have all your info on file https://www.comicbookschool.com/creative-prompt-8-pg-challenge-2/