Time Inn- Plot Revisions

[XanderXero]

P1- Iggy and Miguel stumble through a dark and creepy bar

Establishes what these guys do: that they chase spirits/monsters/ paranormal stuff that you go bump in the night. This is the page that sets up the whole story too- when Miguel asks Iggy how Iggy is able to make a living doing an obviously NOT run-of-the-mill job.

P2- We see a flashback of Iggy doing a ritual

Iggy starts his story to answer Miguel’s question. We get the idea more of what they do. The panels here doesn’t have words. We just see Iggy do motions of the ritual. The final 2 panels we see him sucked into a portal. Gives that cliffhanger “wtf just happened to him?” vibe.

P3- Dark Dimension Splashpage

Gives that scary element. Will show Iggy just floating by himself and everything around him is black. He’s alone in a dark, unfamiliar place. And you get one word balloon from him saying “oh.” The readers will know he’s in trouble now.

P4- Guardian entity of that dimension berates Iggy

Suddenly we see chaos. The entity will be drawn as a big face, with a big mouth yelling at Iggy. From the quietness and darkness of the previous page, now we’ll see the choas when this entity shows up. There won’t be word balloons when this entity talks, but his words will just flow around Iggy. In big letters so it would feel like he is yelling inside Iggy’s head. He gives his warning of only spending 5 mins into the past or else Iggy will suffer dire consequences. (implying that he might go crazy)

P5- Present day Iggy meets/ crash into young Iggy

Present day Iggy will now try to explain why he is doing what he is doing. Risking a mental breakdown to time travel and meet his younger self. But he gets cut off. Younger Iggy insists on a fight. Cliffhanger. Now the audience is waiting for the action sequence.

P6- Fight

Rock ’em sock ’em martial arts fight. But with all the fancy moves, we see that present-day Iggy is not even trying to hurt young Iggy. He parries most of young Iggy’s punches and kicks, definitely reading all his moves. We can have the inner dialogue here. Explaining how this is easy peasy for present day Iggy since he knows what moves are being thrown at him before it is even thrown.

P7- Fight conclusion. Iggy’s message to his younger self

Iggy puts his past self in a lock. The dude can’t move. Iggy has him in a choke hold from behind. He tells his younger self “from right now, put all your money in Bitcoin. everything you can spare. and keep putting money in it. all. OUR. money.” kicks his but so he crashes into the sign that they both crashed into earlier. Younger Iggy looks back, he sees no one there.

P8- Miguel laughs at the story. Young Iggy rubs his bruised ego and neck. whispers “ow”. and looks at the broken “Time Inn” sign.

Miguel not believing his partner establishes that doubt in readers’ minds: are these guys really chasing down monsters and ghosts or are they just crazy people? If even Iggy’s partner thinks that the story is bullshit– what’s the validity of the whole story that we just read then? and while the readers are thinking this, we see Miguel and Iggy walk out of the place and there’s an old, broken sign up top that reads “Time Inn”. Last panel will be young Iggy rubbing his neck, whispering “ow”, while looking at a broken sign that reads “Time Inn”.

Please review and let me know what you guys think. Reading the sample with the “Avengers Assemble” storyline makes me wanna search for that comic to read it. Anyone have that online?

[redheadeded]

@XanderXero

This is great! The story flow and make a lot more sense now, the only thing I see that I’m not sure about is the P3 Dark Dimension page, It seems not a lot happens on that whole page, but if you give some of that page to tthe next maybe you can have more room for the fight and explainations pages that come after. But that’s just my two sense.

Can’t wait to see next steps man. 😉

Thanks, D. Alley, the Redheadeded.