ModeratorMarch 2, 2021 at 3:51 am
So I plotted the story by the pages here:
- Page 1: A tired family in a station wagon exits the highway next to the “Time Inn” sign.
Page 2: The Family of four nervously enters the luxury accomidations to check in.
Page 3: They see the Star Chandeliers and each pick one a star, as instructed by the Night Manager.
Page 4: They are lead to their room by a bellhop, passing many wonderous ammenities.
Page 5: The family separates after dinner, one son is missing and the Father wanders the grounds ‘supposedly’ looking for the boy.
Page 6: In the morning the Dad can’t find his family, he frantically searches an empty estate.
Page 7: He goes to front desk for explaination, and is told his family checked out on time, as an old man enters the Inn.
Page 8: The old man is the long lost son of the family man. He explains the Time Inn to his father, and the universe ends.
I will be working on the characters a small list below:
-Father / Husband
-Mother / Wife
-Elder Son (as a child & as an old man)
-Server / Wait staff
–(Various Guests and staff) – Extras
It’s got a very celtic ‘Rip Van Winkle’ in “Spirtied Away” vibe for me, so let me know what feed back you have on this I’m looking forward to getting into scripting. If I did any of this wrong I will edit the post as needed when the blog page goes up.
Looking forward to your feed back!
D Alley, the Redheadeded
MemberMarch 2, 2021 at 8:36 am20 Forum Points
Great vibe to this D, excited to see it fleshed out in script form.
I really liked the Shining/horror movie vibe of it all. The Night Manager seems very creepy and wise all at once. My one criticism is I’m not sure how the universe ending fits in here. That felt divorced from Rip Van Winkle thing you were going for. Maybe it fits better when fleshed out?
With some great visuals, this could be really special.
ModeratorMarch 4, 2021 at 3:24 am
It is part of the more celtic bittersweet vibe that is the ending of stories, the main point is that the man wanted adventure, but he jumped at the first site of something different, and then ran out of time literally, the end of the universe means there is no more time. So he missed out on everything and has to face that.
ModeratorMarch 6, 2021 at 1:52 am
I really like the way this story is plotted. My only question is whether you want to introduce the “old man” earlier to build more suspense before the twist. That said, I really like the one-twilight-zone vibe to this one. Can’t wait to read it.
- This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by thesurrealari.
ModeratorMarch 6, 2021 at 9:21 am
I’m really glad you went with this story, and I think this story has the potential to lead to some serious creepiness if you wanted to incorporate a “slow” disappearance of each family member. This would be really nice in long form, but I can’t wait to see what you do in 8-pages.-K
MemberMarch 7, 2021 at 6:41 am20 Forum Points
Super excited that you went with this one! You do a wonderful job of making this feel eerie from the plotlines alone, but I’m a little thrown off by how the Dad searching for his son leads to him checking out on time. Is he spending the entire night searching for his son and gets back too late? Or does his late-night search keep him from where he’s supposed to be?
ModeratorMarch 10, 2021 at 1:13 am
Hey @rakeemnelson ,
Thanks for the feed back, I have right now that the Dad is more looking for adventure and is distracked in the Inn for the majority of the evening.. then he realizes in the morning that the family is gone, he has spent the time he had allotted and he runs to the desk because there is no more time.
So I don’t want the reader to know he loses the time.
Thanks for the interest,
D Alley, the Redheadeded