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  • Plot: Room X02 of Paradox Place

  • aesthetic-derelict

    March 16, 2021 at 6:49 am
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    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    My threads seem to keep getting deleted. Posting this again.

    Room X02 of Paradox Place Plot Breakdown

    Page 01:

    · We arrive at Paradox Place, a galactic motel that seems to be both futuristic and rundown. The building seems almost layered as a series of the same floor, stacked one on top of the other. There are twelve floors, with windows lit from room one to eleven.

    o Kip and Vanessa are already explaining the situation to the businessman.

    § Kip: “Alright sir, so we have good news, bad news, worse news and weird news for you.”

    § Vanessa: “You’re going to want to hear the bad news first.

    o Kip and Vanessa start with the bad news, letting him know that someone was vaporized on the twelfth floor of the motel. Vanessa quickly lets the salesman know that it was him.

    o They tell him the good news is that since they’re talking to him, that means he’s still alive.

    o When he asks what the weird news is, Kip moves to the door, stating that the salesman checked into the room 102, they received a distress call about a vaporizing on room 1202, and the room that they are in has turned into 302, the worse news being that they are moving closer and closer to the room where he is vaporized.

    § We can drop the title at this point.

    Page 02:

    · Kip and Vanessa explain what they’ve figured out about the situation with a handy visual.

    o Turns out a chronal flux has caused the motel to become a self-contained time loop, with each floor representing a point in time.

    § Vanessa: These things happen a lot since time travel was invented a century from now.”

    · They explain that they can’t get to any of the other floors, since you can’t exist in a time period where you already live.

    o The only reason they can get to the12th floor is because they’ve already left by then.

    § Kip: “You could probably see for yourself, because you’re…you know.”

    · They drop the detail of moving closer and closer to the floor where everything happens.

    · They have labeled all of the zap marks and holes in the wall from signs of a struggle.

    o Kip: “Try not to stand there.”

    · In a bit of fourth-wall breaking, once they’ve given the cliff notes of the paradox, they look to the camera and ask “Everyone got that?”

    Page 03:

    · The salesman gets nervous and overwhelmed while Kip and Vanessa try to comfort him. He keeps a shaky grip on a long suitcase.

    o Salesman: “Not even a little. I’m just a planet-to-planet salessprock. This time stuff’s a bit above my paygrade.

    o Kip: “Don’t worry. We have a 60/40 success rate with things like this.

    o Vanessa: I’m the 60, he’s the 40.

    · The salesman seems oddly protective of his suitcase, actively guarding it as he sits down.

    · Vanessa leaves the room, saying that she’ll interrogate the others on the floor in room 310, which has now become 410.

    · Kip opts to stay and guard the salesman, as he continues looking over his suitcase.

    o Kip: Try not to threaten anyone!

    o Vanessa: No.

    Page 4

    · Montage of Vanessa interrogating a series of suspects. They include:

    o A beleaguered family taking care of their recently hatched brood of children.

    o A literal Red Herring space mobster, who speaks entirely in suspicious, self-incriminating statements.

    § Vanessa: “It’s so obviously you, so it can’t be, but what if it is, but that’s too easy, but-“

    o A would-be space conqueror more preoccupied with eliminating entire planets

    o The Eradikor, on vacation.

    · Vanessa slowly gets more and more annoyed as she realizes how useless all of these suspects actually are.

    · It’s a call and response montage, with each cut back to Vanessa revealing the room number changing.

    Page 5

    · Vanessa loses her patience and starts throttling the Red Herring, her investigation having failed, while Kip listens on the other line.


    · With the room now 802, the salesman panics, looking over his suitcase. Kip tries to get him to comfort him by asking him what he’s doing in the sector. He drops that he and Vanessa were looking into the rumor of an illegal VapoRay sale going down when he got the distress call.

    · With our heroes back to him, the Salesman opens up his suitcase, revealing that he’s the guy selling the weapon.

    · He aims the gun on Kip, prepared to shoot him.

    Page 6

    · A fight ensues, the salesman firing wildly at Kip as he assumes that Kip must be the one who vaporized him.

    · As Kip fires back, the errant blasts and stray shots hit each of the spots our heroes labeled as signs of a struggle.

    · Eventually, the Salesman pins Kip down, ready to fire.

    · Kip notices that the Salesman is standing on top of the last unmarked spot.

    Page 7

    · Kip kicks the VapoRay upwards as the Salesman shoots, the floor shifting from 1102 to 1202 just as it hits the ceiling, sending it through the floor and hitting him at the same time.

    o The Salesman poofs into a cloud of smoke.

    Page 8:

    · Kip gets up, just as Vanessa bursts back in.

    o Kip: “…Told you not to stand there.”

    · As she asks him what happened, he quickly runs down how he thinks he caught their suspect. He still has one last question.

    · “When we file this later, does this count under our success or failure column?”

  • redheadeded

    March 29, 2021 at 5:01 am
    make icon 66 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    @aesthetic-derelict ,

    Seems like you moved from Story Idea right into script.. but that’s great it gives you more time to hash out the details.

    So how does this tie into the prompt Time-Inn will that only be in your title? or are you planing on dropping it into the story at all ?

    Also I love this but at the end who put out the distress call for the vaporised man?

    Thanks Looking forward to see this in scripting.

    D Alley, the Redheadeded

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