MemberMarch 17, 2021 at 4:04 pm
Here are my plot revisions so far. Still needs a bit of work. Any dialogue is still just draft. Any reference to ‘They’/’Their’ etc refers to the Meatbucket MegaBabes.
This story is doing my head in haha, so I have included some of my notes at the end to show my brainstorming. I could use some help with it to be honest, so any feedback would be most appreciated! 😀
Page 1: Meatbucket MegaBabes are fleeing from giant space-monster in spaceship.
First dialogue is:
‘I said, I think we lost it’
‘Oh no we didn’t!!’ -Huge space monster appears.
Establish that their memory is foggy. – Maybe not explicitly, but they have no idea where they are and they have never seen the monster before.
They have a strange artifact that seems to be leading them/pulling their ship on the path to a black hole.
Page 2: Defeat monster with strange artefact and find the Time Inn.
They determine that the monster is somehow linked to the strange artifact, so they break it and the monster turns to spirit form and flees.<s>
</s>Pondering over weird artefact which is now broken. They are also now free of their trajectory to the black hole.
They can’t go anywhere else because they need a new battery power source because their current one is busted/used up. Their ship is in disrepair and their minds are foggy.
They see the Time Inn and decide to rest there and maybe call someone for help. Hotel slogan is ‘Stay a night for the rest of your life!’
Page 3: Return artefact to hotel staff and rewarded with a free stay.
Concierge greets them and ‘reminds’ them that they have just returned from a dangerous expedition to retrieve the artifact that was stolen from him.
They are rewarded with a free stay, access to all hotel facilities, and repairs to their ship. And of course, the battery power source that they need.
Bellboy shows them up to their rooms.
Inscription on floor or above elevator reads ‘Tempus et Memoria’
Page 4: Get lost in hotel maze.
Maybe Bellboy is mysteriously not in the elevator when they get out at their floor, though he was when they got in. (–Needs explanation)
They see lost souls in the halls, muttering about a forgotten need to escape.
‘What is your life but a series of memories?’ ‘The House Mother awakes…’ etc
Page 5: Concierge uses artifact to awaken monster.
He gloats that they brought the artifact right back to him, and that the monster needs to feed on memory to gather strength, last time wasn’t enough but maybe this time it will work now that the artifact is whole again. (Just hint, speculate. Real exposition must only happen closer to the end of the comic)
‘This time I will keep you safe and we will be together again for eternity’
Page 6: Lost in maze, MegaBabes find Zacat who gives them a strange artefact.
Zacat breaks through fourth wall of Zacat’s (always in third person) hotel room and declares that this comic loops, which to (most of) the MegaBabes seems like crazy talk.
Zacat presents them with the artifact which Zacat tells them will lead them out of the hotel and free the lost souls. Zacat charges them to take the artifact far away from here, but to be very careful with it until it reaches its final destination.
‘It will take you where it needs to go…’ ‘Every time you get so close, but maybe this time you will succeed…’
Page 7: Monster chase through hotel maze.
Artifact leads/pulls them to the exit but the monster is following them.
Perhaps they stumble upon a tapestry or ancient carving, or even a vision given to them by the Artifact, that explains (pictorially) the eternal battle of Zacat and the Concierge in this Nexus that is the hotel. –How Zacat gains possession of the Artifact after the Concierge has locked it away.
Page 8: Escape hotel but unknowingly let monster out.
Artifact leads them out of hotel and magically repairs their ship and loads its destination coordinates onto the ship’s mainframe.
They install the battery power source and use it to narrowly escape.
‘Phew, I think we lost it’ –Dialogue needs work, to be a strong final line of the comic, but I also need it to link up with the first dialogue on page 1.
Needs to be a satisfying climax/resolution for first-time and one-time readers.
(-The following are just some things I don’t intend to fully exposit in the comic, but I think I need to determine. And also just me trying to work it all out haha!)
The artefact consolidates the Housemother spirit into material form, which can then be lured away so the lost souls can stop getting their memory sucked. But if the artefact is broken, the spirit is dispersed and the loop begins again. (Just speculate at this, don’t posit explicitly) –Perhaps the artifact needs to be thrown into a black hole to end the cycle. The artefact is like a net to catch the monster in, it keeps the monster in physical form to be able to lure it away into a black hole. If the artefact is broken the monster will return to spirit form, but still keep feeding on memory of those in the vicinity of the hotel, to which it is bound.
The Concierge’s motivation is to have the artefact in one piece, locked deep in the hotel, so it cannot be taken to the black hole, which is the one place it can be destroyed where even the spirit will not be able to escape. He wants the monster in physical form, feeding off the lives and memory of the hotel customers. ( – Why? –If the monster still feeds off memory in spirit form, why would the concierge want to fix the artefact?) –His name is Schadenfreude, which means joy of others’ suffering, but that is not enough for a motivation. What is his endgame? –Does he want to worship the monster in her true form? –Does he want to use the monster to gain power for himself? Maybe he just wants to be ‘together with her for eternity’ –Maybe he is a cosmic entity, like a devil or a god, who traps souls for his own purpouses, perhaps Zacat is his antithesis.
Has the artefact been broken or in one piece all along before the MegaBabes showed up? –Maybe have no references to the Past, only the ‘Now’, ‘This Time’ or ‘Next Time, or possibly ‘Last Time’. Only the Concierge and Zacat know that time is in a loop.
-Draw parallels to hotel and black hole; both are places that people/things gravitate towards, where time acts differently and there is no escape. –Apparently, time slows down to a stop in a black hole (to an outside observer), maybe use this somehow in how the hotel behaves too. Some kind of ‘Nexus’ where universal beings of Good and Evil (Zacat and the Concierge, respectively) wage battle for eternity. A ‘Hell,’ of sorts.
Perhaps part of their reward for returning the artefact, along with a free hotel stay, is a vital part, or battery, for their ship that they need, unbeknownst to them they use(d) it up on the last page to escape the hotel and monster. –Maybe a shield or flash bomb or a stealth mode, I thought about a warp drive jump, but I don’t want them to leave the vicinity of the hotel, because they need to go there, simply because it is nearby.-Unless the monster pulls them back to that area during their struggle.
know that I don’t need the whole ensemble cast of the Meatbucket MegaBabes for
this story, in fact I know it would be better told with a singular main
character. But I want to have them all involved, and they will all move through
the story as a singular group entity. Similar with Zacat, I don’t know if Zacat’s
presence is truly necessary.
Thanks for reading! 😀
Please do let me know if you see any plot-holes or questions that need to be addressed. That would really help me out!
ModeratorMarch 29, 2021 at 6:09 am
Hey @jarrod-elvin ,
First off thank you for providing such detailed notes it is helpful to address what you are struggling with. So let’s start just by asking some questions..
The first being do you want to end the loop in the comic or do you want the loop to continue to cycle > once you address this we can get to a satifiying conclusion.
Next, You have 3 unclear elements in your story, the Conierge, the Housemother, and the artifact.
– From what I gather the artifact houses the mother spirit like a cage, the Housemother is the memory eraser, and the Conceirge is the one bringing the other two into this sitcuation that causes the plot to happen.
– So what is the thing that causes time to loop? the artifact? the black hole? the release of the spirit? or the distancing it from the memories it is eating? is it the breaking of the artifact that resets time, and releases the mother spirit? in which case are the MegaBabes bringing the artifact AND the spirit back to the hotel?
– With that clear, the motivation of the Conierge is key to understanding why all this is happening, you have some excellent ideas for that motivation, but maybe think about how he got to this point, how does he know the Housemother, and is he effected by her the same way as the MegaBabes? if not, why not, and how does he know about the artifact? basically to know why he wants to stay in the loop, we need to think about why/how he started it. That might help with his motivations for staying as well.
The fact that the Concierge wants the Artifact can be as simple as a Genie in a bottle, he controls the housemother spirit with it in his possesion, or as complicated as she is bound to it, and therefore he needs it to have her nearby but why it is fixed or broken maybe the link you need to work through as to how and why the loop happens and how things are reset.
Also the battery recharge in space is more than enough reason to stop at a nearby ‘Time Inn’, or the MegaBabes are exhausted from running from the Concierge or Housemother spirit with the Artifact, but they don’t rememeber why they are exhausted till the restart the loop?
I find myself thinking that for some reason they forget what the artifact is and casually throw it in a black hole at the end and start looking for a new hotel to rest and reset their ships power supplies. But that’s just me..
And while this could be easier with just a few or even one of the MegaBabes, I love them all, and I wouldn’t be able to tell you to choose, so I vote for all of them in their girlie group glory. But then again, I’m not on the line to draw them. 😉
Good Luck, let me know if an inperson chat or video call would help. I am really really looking forward to this one.
D Alley, The Redheadeded
MemberApril 4, 2021 at 5:52 pm
Thank you so much Erin, for your thorough and thoughtful response! I truly wish I had seen it earlier, before I posted my script just now. It still needs work I think, so I’ll go through what you have written and give it further thought.
-Firstly, I do want the loop to keep cycling. Like they are stuck in an endless purgatory. Nobody has to read it into infinity, or even more than once, but if the loop is broken in the story, then there is no loop to speak of. I don’t want to make more than one version that might have a different ending on a subsequent reading. It’s just a standalone episode that has no influence on future or past episodes. Just meant to be fun and quirky way to tell a story, something I haven’t attempted before.
-You bring up great points about everything being unclear. I really wanted to have a clear reason for everything happening, even if I didn’t expressly exposit it in the story. In fact I did actually want to keep it quite vague and unexplained (or at least not ‘over-explained’ which I think I have a habit of doing), though I do realise the importance of knowing it myself.
I have to say, that because I didn’t have as much time as I would have liked (Funny that, considering this premise!) due to being so busy with work, that I kind of just had to go with it all being quite ambiguous and leaving these questions unanswered.
All these elements do kind of blend together, kind in parallel to the story; Where does it begin? Where does it start? Which comes first? (Maybe I should have entitled it ‘The Chicken and the Egg’! -Or maybe ‘The Egg and the Chicken’!) The most I have explained it all in the script is that the Time Inn hotel is a ‘spiritual nexus where good and evil battle for eternity for souls…’
To be honest, I hadn’t even thought of a cause for the time loop. That was just meant to be a quirk of storytelling. -That was basically my first idea for a story, then I realised for it to work, the characters couldn’t have memory, so I had to say a reason why they didn’t remember. Haha, so for both themes I’m basically just going with ‘Spiritual Nexus’; ‘Nuff said!
About the artifact and the monster (Housemother); the artifact is kind of the opposite to its cage. So the artifact manifests the monster into physical form so it can be drawn to the black hole and destroyed – by the artifact itself. I’ve been over this so many times in my head, and on the one hand it would make more sense if the unbroken artifact DID imprison the monster and unleash it when it gets broken, but then that affects how it would lead the MegaBabes out of the hotel and towards the black hole…
While writing the script I stumbled upon making it so the Housemother envelops the Concierge (and the Bellboy) into itself into one being when it is awoken. I just went with that, hopefully so it might illustrate the Concierge’s motivation a bit more – So he is one with the great powerful Housemother entity…
I really want to thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback. I’m a bit ashamed that I didn’t see it earlier. Obviously I have bitten off more than I can chew with this story (Which was intended to be simple!!) It would benefit from a more experienced Writer’s hand, and clearly needs more time and thought poured into it to make it what it could be. Unfortunately I just haven’t had the time to do that lately.
Please have a read of my script and let me know if there are any glaring plot-holes or questions that need to be answered or details that need to be explained, or if I have managed to glaze over them successfully enough to get away with it.