MemberMarch 26, 2021 at 3:17 am
Vastness of space. Starships should be more industrial looking like Babylon 5 or The Expanse as opposed to the sleek, high-tech look of Star Trek. The escape pod should feel cramped and uncomfortable to increase tension and anxiety.
The Survivor: Ethnically Ambiguous human. Dressed in engineers cover-alls but should be consistent with the style of the rest of the crew. As the story progresses, they should look more and more ragged and unkempt to show the passage of time and stress of their mission.
Page 1: Establishing. Human colonists orbiting and landing on an alien world
Page 2: Space battle! Colonists attacked by monstrous battleships
Page 3: Survivor races to an escape pod but is unable to save others. Sadness.
Page 4: Space battle continues! Escape pod launches and escapes unnoticed. Survivor tries to plot a “short cut” using FTL engines
Page 5: Vast empty space. Survivor is lost low on fuel, damaged comms (short-range radio only), and no weapons.
Page 6: Survivor tries to find the correct course home. Proximity alarms! An unknown ship is approaching.
Page 7: Survivor can’t identify the ship and can’t risk discovery. Shuts down life support and vents atmosphere to mask heat signature. They manage to escape!.
Page 8: Survivor arrives in orbit around Earth. The message is received but Survivor dies.
ModeratorMarch 29, 2021 at 5:06 am
This is looking great, I like the breakdown by page it really helps to show how you want the story to progress. Still looking for the Time Inn angle but interested o read your next submissions.
I am really interested to see how it all comes together visually, you seem to have a very specific view of the style, look and feel.
Thanks for posting!
D Alley, the Redheadeded
MemberApril 7, 2021 at 7:43 am
Thanks. I replied to your comment about Time-inn in the previous post, but I do appreciate the feedback.
I’m an artist and visual storyteller, so this format makes the most sense to me.
ModeratorApril 7, 2021 at 10:34 am
The wonderful thing about the “time inn” theme, as is my understanding is that it can be loosely interpreted e.g. T.I.M.E.I.N.N. as an acronym for the name of the spaceship company.
Also, in response to you on your other post @ASAP: Let’s indeed link up!
I appreciate you taking notice of my progress. I look forward to hammering out the details, so go ahead and email me firstname.lastname@example.org or DM here and/or any other platform!
P.S. Definitely digging the solitude — another possible tie-in to the “time inn” theme is to have our overalls feller still needing to log his time even though there’s that urgency to return home and warn everyone (it’s all about time-inn harhar!)
MemberApril 7, 2021 at 8:27 pm
Sent you an email to start chatting.
Regarding “Time Inn”, I was chatting with Ari last night and came up with an interesting idea to bookend the story with a tavern called “Time Inn”, so that the Survivor starts his journey at the tavern, and the story ends with an Admiral or General receiving the message while at a tavern called “Time Inn” as if it were a franchise in this world.
If that doesn’t work, I kind of have another story in my back pocket where a guy checks into a hotel (Time Inn), grows old living in the hotel, and ends up working as the front desk clerk where he checks in his younger self, closing the loop.
ModeratorApril 7, 2021 at 10:37 pm
Sorry for the delayed responce, it’s been a busy week. 😉
I think your first story is great! and which ever one you want to move forward with is fine. I just missed the “Time Inn” element in your write up from above. I mentioned in a DM, but if you wanted to rework the story to have a “Time Inn” element, or simply name the ship the “Time Inn” that’s fine. Just making sure the theme is present. That was my question.
I am looking forward to seeing your next steps. 🙂
D Alley, the Redheaded.
MemberApril 8, 2021 at 6:05 am
No worries. It’s been a hell of a week for me as well.
Just to confirm, the “Time Inn” element will be the name of a tavern that bookends the story.
The character starts their story while in a tavern called “Time Inn”, and the story will end when the message is received by another character who is also in a tavern called “Time Inn”.
If that works, I’ll post my revision in the plot revisions thread.
ModeratorApril 8, 2021 at 9:55 am
I like the idea that they’re on a break in a tavern (relating to book-ending the “Time Inn”).
I’m curious about the transition from Page 1 to 2. Could there almost be an element of, “We were minding our own business, and then THEY attacked!” …?
Consider more time in space to really emphasize the weight of solitude.
For the unidentified ship, wonder if there should be an extra plot twist: It’s also human, but our protagonist never sees that truth (the reader does, though!) because they passed out.
Along these lines, when they reach Earth’s orbit they come-to just long enough to send the message.
Thank you again, @ASAP for welcoming me aboard!
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