MemberFebruary 19, 2021 at 3:16 am
(Tried to make it concise, but descriptive enough to work from. Still looking for an artist to team up with for the 8pg comic submission)
Jerry is a workaholic. He promised to take a vacation away, just him and his 9 year old boy, and put the phone down and have some fun.
He takes his son Aleks to a hotel that has an indoor water park, go karts, and an arcade, the whole nine yards.
Jerry cant stay off his phone and Aleks gets bored and plays with the alarm clock in the room. There is a standard dinner buffet. They make it through dinner, but when they get back to the room Jerry gets on another phone call and Aleks eventually falls asleep watching some movie on the TV.
The next morning they get up and go to breakfast, and it is the same buffet. They barely get started in the arcade when Jerry gets another call and has the SAME conversation he did the prior afternoon. The call lingers through dinner and Aleks again ends the night, this time with visible tears, watching movies. In the morning again, pizza at the buffet. Jerry asks one of the servers and she says they always serve dinner at this time, and he checks his phone and it say 6:12pm. He asks the same server what day it is and she says Friday…
Back in the room Aleks breaks down and says that his dad wont get off the phone. Jerry tries to make an excuse but Aleks isn’t having it. He puts the ringing phone down and says ‘okay, let’s start over.’ and starts the alarm again.
ModeratorFebruary 21, 2021 at 3:01 am
This is a good start@Polygeekism , I take it this is a Groundhog day sitcuation, I have a couple question that may help you define the story a little bit..
1. Does the Dad know it’s the same day?
2. Does the son have control that it’s the same day?
3. Are they eating pizza at the Friday morning buffet but it’s 6:12pm? (that part was a little confusing?) or are they always reliving only Friday Night?
4. Is there a conclusion or just an ongoing cycle in this 8 pages?
Looking forward to seeing this develop, sounds like it’s going to be heart felt and amazing.
D Alley, the Redheadeded
ModeratorMarch 2, 2021 at 9:33 am
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MemberMarch 4, 2021 at 8:14 pm
Ya I was trying to keep things a little on the shorter side following the first stage prompt.
1) Dad doesn’t really figure it out until the last cycle. Kind of noticing that the clock is flashing the same time or something like that, combined with having the same work conversation each day.
2) The Son doesn’t have control, it’s all in the clock. Like when the power goes out on a clock and it flashes time, this one is just stuck on that time.
3) Ya they go in the ‘morning’ to eat and it is the dinner buffet again. I guess everything around them just operates like it’s 6pm all the time. The main point is the dad is not paying enough attention to notice that things aren’t changing. The son notices pretty quick, but hopes that it will make his dad change.
4) after they have their confrontation, dad fixes the clock and ends the cycle and they start the weekend they were supposed to have without work distractions.
But ya I planned on fleshing out the details in the next steps of the outlining process and whatnot.
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