HI. I’m James McGill. My introduction and a few suggestions
Hey Everyone. I’m sure if you’ve been on here for the past year, you either have seen me in meetings or have seen me mentioned…somewhere. I am sure you are all wondering why I am posting another introduction after all this time.
Well to be brief, because I am trying to change somethings in my life and socializing is not something I’m very good at. So socializing is at the top of the list. Thanks to the way my brain works, I feel better when I give people the whole picture instead of just a few sentences. Now this could be a blog post on a website I made, but what I want to achieve with this post, I won’t achieve if I do that.
So if you have time, here is my introduction that I should have posted last year, but didn’t because of my issues talking to people and opening up. But in the last year, I have learned alot of things about myself. So I am hoping this can act as an introduction, an apology (to everyone, but mostly to Buddy), and a request for help. Please note, this may be…long.
My name is James McGill. I live outside of Chicago, Illinois and I am…a wannabe content creator. Now please note, when I say content creator, I do not mean an Instagram model (though I do have the body for it), a youtuber, or a podcaster. I want to create my own literary world and make a website that is based completely around it. That means I have stories completed or partially started. I’m going to make graphic designs that you would find in this world. Since I am not very good at drawing, photoshopped pictures I will have created showing this world. As well as photos of people dressed in cosplay that will act as character sketches. Would it be better to just hire an artist…yes. But I put myself through college three times to get the skills I need to do this. So since I’ve gone this far, I’m don’t think I’m going to stop.
Now some might ask why I’m doing this. Which is fair. So here is the story. I hope it helps.
First thing you should know about me- I have ADHD. For all my life, until last year, I thought that just meant my brain couldn’t keep focus. But it turns out its a lot more complicated than that. So in 1995 or 1996, I was on the early internet as it just came out. I found Wizard On-line and there I discovered Buddy Scalera and Simming on AOL. If you want to know what simming is, it was D&D-esque in chat rooms. I came up with an idea to make a simming league where people could play through the year and at the end have a huge crossover style finale each year.
I was 13 or 14. Yes I now know I was thinking too big.
Anyway, it was too big and didn’t really work. But then I started thinking on how I could make it work and it eventually evolved into what I am creating now….nearly 30 years later. So I am creating my own star wars/marvel/dc/whatever universe.
Now I need to tell you what I need help with. This is hard for me as I do not believe I belong here. One of the things I’ve learned in the past year is I suffer from imposter syndrome and emotional dysregulation. If you have ADHD, Imposter syndrome is something you will develop. The reason being is the thousands upon thousands of times teachers tell you to please pay attention. The many times you have said something supremely stupid without meaning to. The times you were punished for things you did that you didn’t know was caused by your ADHD and you couldn’t explain why you did it. Add to that the fact that your control over your emotions is weak to non-existent, one’s mental well being is pretty shaken.
I have been friends with Buddy Scalera for nearly 30 years now and I’ve loved helping him do the comic book school panels. However, when he did the Creators Connections panels, I NOPED the hell out there because I didn’t feel at all comfortable meeting someone under the pretense of creating something. I couldn’t draw, I didn’t have any money to pay them to draw things I could write, and I hadn’t accomplished anything yet. I didn’t belong there because of that. I just wanted to write comics and I didn’t feel that was enough. That was my imposter syndrome. Then my emotional dysregulation made those feelings of uselessness and inadequacy amplified.
So Buddy, for all the times you tried to get me to socialize with creators and I (maybe rudely at times) said no. I apologize. When I did council of the willing, I kept my mouth shut as I felt (and still do) that I really shouldn’t be contributing as I have no real life experience to draw on. Just somethings that I read that I know everyone there knows. Plus, I’m still working in retail while everyone else that I have been friends with have accomplished SOO much. So if I’ve looked uncomfortable during those meetings, that’s why. I don’t feel I belong here. But you guys invited me and haven’t kicked me out yet. So I know that’s my ADHD Symptoms and not reality.
So what I need help with is understanding and patience. I have gotten a hell of alot more confident since I learned more about my ADHD. But just because I know about it, doesn’t mean that it magically goes away. So if I seem closed off, its my ADHD symptoms. It also gives me issues when I am trying to be creative.
Also, I need inspiration. If you know of any writers websites, send them my way. I’m going to post original fiction on my website and I am having the hardest time figuring out a way to design it.
Anyway, that’s all. I also apologize to everyone else if I’ve come off rude at times. I didn’t mean too. People with ADHD also are horrible at understanding themselves apparently. If you’ve gotten to this point, thank you. If I posted this in the wrong spot. I’m sorry.
Thank you for your time and it was nice to meet you.
As always, type ya later,