MemberApril 30, 2021 at 4:16 am19 Forum Points
by Anthony Pearce
25 years ago a mad mage, The Hierophant, recruited a team of mentally unstable meta-humans (the Crazy 8s) to help him open a portal that would grant him godlike powers.
Realizing the flood of magical energies through the portal could devastate our world, the 8’s recruited a larger team of heroes to stop the Hierophant’s plan.
In a desperate, last-second attempt, one hero, Stopwatch, incased himself and his teammates in a bubble of stopped time. The magical energies from the portal bombarded the bubble, creating fractures in time all around it.
The Hotel Hospitempus was built on the remains of this battle.
The Hotel Hospitempus; a hotel featuring portals to numerous eras.
Hierry (19) is too young to know what life was like before the Hierophant opened the portal, and so views him as a hero for creating the magical world they live in now.
Christine, (35) the manager of The Hospitempus, remembers the battle painfully well and sees the Hierophant as a villain.
Christine, is training a new recruit, Hierry. The pair go about their duties as Christine tells the boy the story of heroes who tried to stop the Hierophant.
Intercutting between their conversation and flashbacks, Christine tells Hierry about the Crazy 8’s plot, their recruitment of reinforcements, and the origin of one hero, Stopwatch: An anthropologist who underwent a ritual with an ancient indigenous tribe. After returning home to the states and his 10-year-old daughter, Tina, he discovered the ritual had given him the power to create limited bubbles of stopped time.
As the battle with the Hierophant’s ended and his portal flooded our world with magical energies, Stopwatch created his largest bubble ever in a desperate attempt to save his team.
After visiting a cretaceous room, Christine explains to Hierry that The Hospitempus was built on the remains of the battle site. Doors lead directly into different times because they were literally installed to line up with the fractures created by the magical portal energies that bombarded the bubble of stopped time.
At their final stop, Christine reveals that a room at the center of the hotel still contains the heroes frozen in their bubble of time. Irradiated with so much power, the normally temporary bubble had lasted for decades.
Christine (Tina) is running this hotel until she can find a way to open that bubble and free Stopwatch; her father.
ModeratorMay 20, 2021 at 12:06 am
Firstly, sorry for the delay I should have gotten back to you sooner!
Next though, This is a great story, I like the characters as you describe them, I am a little confused by how you are going to fit that all into the story and who is the main chacracter here?
- I recommend since it is only 8 pages you decide are you going to tell the battle bit of the story up front? or only through flash backs? which is more important to the main character and is that Tina? or Hierry?
Which is the more important detail of the battle Hierophant’s goals and eventual outcome? or Stopwatch and his crew?
There are a lot of moving elements so I suggest to you to find the key points of the narrative and make those sing,
Let it play like a movie in your head what comes first, second and third, and from who’d view point is the reader seeing this.
- If it’s Tina’s maybe we don’t need to see Hierophant as a hero only that Hierry does.
And if it’s Hierry we maybe only need to see that Tina DOESN”T thinks he is a hero as he discovers she thinks differently?
Remember the creative mantra KISS, (Keep it simple stupid) the more clear and concise you can be the more it will engage the reader to want more.
Looking forward to seeing how this comes out!
Thanks, D. Alley, the Redheadeded.
MemberMay 20, 2021 at 1:58 am19 Forum Points
Hey Red. Thanks for your response.
Christine is the main character. The only heart line is hers.
The two necessary components are the Hierophant’s portal and Stopwatch’s bubble. Together, they’re the origin of the hotel, and of Stopwatch being trapped in his time bubble. So, at least those aspects of the battle have to be addressed.
Stopwatch being trapped and Christine being his adult daughter are the final panel reveal.
The story is set in the hotel. The battle is told entirely in flashbacks, narrated by Christine.
Hierold (nee Hierry) is ultimately just the sounding board for her to tell the story. The conflict between their views is not a focal point and just flavors a couple lines. But his ignorance is ultimately disrespecting her loss, which fuels the story being told at all.
It’s far less complex than it seems. I’ll have a script posted later today.
Very much appreciate your notes. Thanks again.