AdministratorApril 14, 2020 at 6:58 am
Great work on Step 1 of the #8PgChallenge. Thank you for sharing your ideas. There are some really smart, creative people participating!
Action Item: Solicit feedback & plot your story to 8 pages
Deadline: April 19
This week, you’ll solicit feedback. I suggest feedback from three people. No more, no less.
You can (and should) look to fellow creators on these boards for feedback. Use the forums for open discussion, so that everyone is watching the process. That can be one of your sources.
I also encourage you to get external feedback as well. Don’t just ask someone who will tell you that it’s great. Seek out people who have experience with storytelling and critical creative feedback.
Some of you have asked about paid feedback. For some of you, that may be useful. I encourage you to think about what will be most beneficial for you and your professional growth.
Personally, I have found it helpful to get professional feedback and guidance, so I’ve spent money developing my skills as a writer. That’s just me. Your mileage may vary.
Two of the people involved with this project run paid consulting services. If you want to explore your options:
There are others. Work with them directly, as you wish.
This week, you will also break down the story into the 8 pages. I will work on a post to show you what it looks like.
But, as you can expect, it’s pretty simple.
Page 1: This happens.
Page 2: That happens.
Page 3: The other thing happens.
You may want to print the side-by-side guide from this post, so you know your facing pages:
You can mix feedback and plot in this stage. We have built in several rounds of revisions and feedback. (Don’t worry.)
The most important thing is to do the work. Don’t overthink it. You know comics. You can do this.
ModeratorApril 15, 2020 at 9:16 pm
Here’s my plot:
Page 1- Black Ice enters the bank with an icy explosion.
Page 2- Black Ice freezes the security guards then heads for the safe.
Page 3- Lavatasha flies in the bank making an entrance.
Page 4- Black Ice shoots a blast of ice at her and Lavatasha counters with a blast of lava causing a clash.
Page 5- Black Ice’s blast overpowers Lavatasha’s blast. Then he shoots more ice blasts at her causing her to fly in order to dodge them.
Page 6- Lavatasha flies towards Black Ice and knocks him out with a flame-propelled kick to the face.
Page 7- Some unthawed security guards handcuff Black Ice as Lavatasha uses her heat to unthaw the last of them.
Page 8- Lavatasha flies away with a smile.
ModeratorApril 16, 2020 at 12:26 am
Here’s some feedback:
I’m a huge pro wrestling fan, so I’m very interested in your Crusher Christian story. Crusher treating the business like it’s real reminds me of how Bret Hart was. Maybe you could do something similar to the Montreal Screwjob. If you do, I recommend looking at the Dark Side of the Ring documentary about it for inspiration.
Your character reminds me of Mr. Incredible, and it wouldn’t surprise me if you got inspiration from him. This sounds like a more adult version of that character, and if you’re looking for more inspiration for the comedic aspect of your character, I would suggest looking to Saitama from One Punch Man since both he and Mr. Stupendous are powerful characters with “human” problems.
Your story sounds exciting. It sounds like an action scene from a movie or even a video game. I’d like to know more about Newt and his powers. Maybe you reveal more about each of the characters through dialogue which each of us may still be working on for our own stories, but I suggest revealing more information about your story’s characters in some way.
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 7:39 am
@victord2 Hi Victor, Your idea is a lot of fun. However, it seems like a lot for an 8 page story. Have you thought about putting the focus squarely on Apex Prime and near the end of the story with an exhausted Apex, having to accomplish his final task?
Hope this helps.
@mrkylerose Hi Kyle, I like your idea. It’s very Twilight Zone/2000 ADish. Have you thought about having Future Abigail confront Past Abigail? The story feels a little open ended, unless that’s your intent.
@gdawkins2 Hey George, thanks for the feedback. I took a look at Coldcash. You have a fun idea but I feel like its missing something. Have you thought about having Black Ice and Lavatasha be in cahoots or have a past with each other?
ModeratorApril 16, 2020 at 8:10 am
@georgedawkins Thank you for the feedback., Yes, there is some influence from Mr. Incredible, in the type of hero and the form of the name, but Mr. Stupendous differs from Mr. Incredible in a number of key ways: First, the tone is quite different, as Mr. Stupendous is more sarcastic and satirical (The name was chosen to play off the Mr. Incredible archetype, but with something completely absurd, that also happens to start with the same letter as the most famous Super Hero). Mr. Stupendous is also at a different life stage than Mr. Incredible. Stupendous is married, but that is his only family. The focus is mainly on him, with the relationship with the wife att he beginning and the end underpinning the tension. Mr. Incredible has a whole family and, The Indredibles is more of an ensemble piece. I think this is appropriate given that Mr. Stupendous is an 8-page comic not a full-length feature film.
The One-Punch Man comp is interesting. A number of people have recommended it to me in various unrelated contexts. I will definitely have to check it out.
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 10:40 am
I wanna be that weirdo who gives feed back for EVERYONE. Even if it’s just stating my impression lol
Started already in the Step 1 Thread, but I will continue in here. Also figured out how to tag people XD
@Rakeem Nelson : I really like how there is a solid plot here. Only issue I have is with the ending. Like, wouldn’t Vanessa have noticed something as large as a bow gone missing? And even if you did change it to something smaller she was already in the room before, hanging out and drinking for a while. It could have very well fallen off then and the possibility of her being innocent is open.
@Kyle Rose: Whoa, that’s very fast pased and I’m wondering how all that is going to fit in eight pages.
@Kris Burgos : It’s very interesting and good that you already have a visual style set up for it (as that will be doing have the work) but I’m left a little disappointed at the ending. I feel like it doesn’t have one at all. The pay off at this point is to have some really epic looking monsters revealed but you don’t really get to know if they win the last fight. If anything an emasphine will have to be made that the girl is scared and weak so that when she stands up at the end it’s more impactful.
@K S : I know this is part of a bigger story but as a stand a lone short it really just makes me ask a lot of questions. Like, why are they jumping around and using up fuel? Who are they? Where do they and their tech come from? Where are they now? Where do they go? Why another cliff hanger to what seems like the conclusion of another cliff hanger? How will these questions be addressed in this short? Why should the reader care about all this? Without this information the reader wont be invested in why all that stuff is happening.
@BuddyScalera : Oh no, gonna talk down on Buddy. Help me. Oh wait, this is really solid. I think it would be funny if the person turns out to be a hero, who is also under disguise (which is why they accidentally ended up looking like the villain without knowing, since it was before his time) and the reason why the “villain” was acting dodgy was being he was eye balling Crisis thinking HE was another villain based on his disguise. LOL In general it reminds me a lot of japanese live action hero shows. They do the silliest stuff while being totally serious about it.
@John Ashton Golden : I am big fan of the “quest for home” concepts. LOL Sometimes they can be very thin and just a way to explore fun concepts and imagery with no real plot or character development (and get away with it), but sometimes, like in your long form case, can be a solid story. I see that you have a good over all set up and even a good quick way to introduce the concept/story so we get right into the action, but there are still so many details that need to be filled in, and you don’t have much time! And considering there are a lot of stories that follow this model those details are what’s going to be the most important part of YOUR story and what will set it apart from all the others.
Perhaps for “time’s” sake get rid of the flash back intro from Robby’s POV and start instead with the parents and the investigator. That scene will tell us the same information (that he is missing, and the town he’s from) and will save you a page. That way the parent scene will also not interrupt the main action. It will also flow well that the investigator might know what’s going on and then to see what IS going on.
If this fleshes out nicely and the details make it stand out I might consider illustrating this one.
@Victor Dandridge : I really like the ending. In fact, I noticed, the ending is what really makes or breaks these stories. But it also hangs a little on tone. Depending on how it’s pulled off it could be serious, or it could be comedic.
@Mike Sangregorio : This is a really great idea but I’m concerned how all of that is going to fit on the eight pages as well as conveying what is going on (visually or through though bubbles).
@Jarrod Elvin : Finally a story featuring babes- I mean, yeah this works. I normally don’t want to see stories about stuff that reminds readers about the real virus but this is taking it to such an extreme fantasy edge that it works. But it really does feel like a comic that is going to be heavily dependent on the artwork (which I see is what you are going to be doing). And of course, that’s the fun punny ending that I always find works.
@Leon Skograv : Very wholesome and simple. Wondering what kind of tone you will go for.
@Doug Wood : If this story is about a prison for super villains why not up the elements to match. Instead of drugs why not something more sci-fi or super? You know, just to make things more creative.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by adada661.
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 10:58 am
Okay, apparently I still don’t know how to tag people with spaces in their names properly @_@
@Samuel Barber : I really like this story idea. Like there is a lot behind the characters but the set up allows the reader to understand and “catch up” in order for them to enjoy what is going on. There might be a lot of dialog in the first page or two compared to the action pages, but the relaxed environment of the bar should works to not bore the reader. But with such a set up I’m concerned if there will be enough pages left for the fight.
@Matthew Timpanelli : This kinda reminds me of the movie Brazil. Aside from the fine details, also wondering how the story will conclude.
Okay, I think I’m done for now. lol
I already got the general plot laid out for the eight pages, but want to have my husband go into them and add the fine details. Like, I know the main action in our story is a fight that ends in death but I would rather he write out what exactly happens. We also started to talk about the style I would be drawing it in. Originally I was going to make this into an animation, so in my head it was going to be a rather simple cartoony style, but he’s right, this is a comic, so I can do a more realistic style. Pretty much any style.
So far I have seen at least two stories form here that I would be interested in drawing for, but we will see how it all develops. :O
Still don’t know how to end my super hero story. It might just die off and give me less work to do. XD
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 5:06 pm
I like both your story ideas, the first one has a very clear and solid theme with life growing from death, though it doesn’t really go deeper than that with making me care for the wizard character. Is the wizard using magic in himself to grow the plant after his death? As in was he imbibed with the magic to help the plant grow and dying was part of his plan? Or is he desperate and fights thinking he is the worlds last chance? What is the goblins motivation? If they leave his body where it is to grow a plant it can’t be to eat him unless he takes them all out with him. They could be fighting over a spring, if this is in a desert, water would be really sought after.
The superhero one is much tougher, it gives me the feeling of being a metaphor for a lot of different conditions, from trans kids not being able to play sports or kids who have ADHD being really good with grades but suffering for it. I think if you had a clearer idea what the parallel you’re drawing is it might click better for you. You can end it with him playing with kids not for a team but just for fun, or coming up with ways to weigh him down to level the playing field and confronting the school about letting him play? You didn’t specify what powers he has and figuring that out would help you figure out your story.
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 9:07 pm
plot: In this noir-like tale, a young detective is given the case of her elementary school career when a client goes to her with proof of the lunchtime bandit
Page 1: Susie wakes up and finds herself tied to a chair
Page 2: Flashback, Susie is cleaning her office
Page 3: Vanessa and Henry walk into Susie’s office
Page 4: Susie is investigating serval leads
Page 5: Present, Henry walks out of the shadows
Page 6: Henry explains his plan
Page 7: Teacher discovers the kids in the darkroom
last page: upon returning to her office, Susie finds that it’s raided. a small hair bow is on the floor.
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 9:12 pm
@Zammap Thank you for reading!
My intent is that most of what I wrote will be background for the artist, the actual story itself has 4 beats which I feel can be communicated over 8 pages. They are that Sy is regularly in ridiculous situations, realizes he’s fictional after the relationship is removed, tries to end his existence, and then succeeds only to be realize he has denied himself what he actually wanted. Much of what will fill in-between these points can be shown with smaller, individual shots on the page, based on what the artist is interested in drawing. My hope is that the story will have the sometimes disorienting feel of having to begin a game again.
Please let me know if this does not address everything or if there is anything else you notice. The feedback is appreciated!
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 9:37 pm
@zammap : “This kinda reminds me of the movie Brazil. Aside from the fine details, also wondering how the story will conclude.”
Hmm i hadn’t noticed that but I am a big fan of Terry Gilliam and I will make sure to rewatch Brazil to make sure this isn’t really just me unconsciously recreating that. It very well may be…
The end of the story will convey that the dream world is more real than the tangible world.
AdministratorApril 16, 2020 at 9:41 pm
Dear @zammap, thank you for all of the feedback you are giving to people. That’s great community spirit!
It’s also a great way for you to (a) study everyone’s idea in a critical way to learn from it and (b) forge relationships with the community by connecting with a meaningful, professional conversation.
Also, thanks for the feedback on my story idea. I may make some changes to make it a double twist. I want to have a nice punchline at the end, so I need to think about the best way to end it.
MemberApril 16, 2020 at 9:45 pm