Forums Forums 8-Page Challenge #1 for NYCC 2020 (COMPLETED) #8PgChallenge – STEP 5 – Scripting Reply To: #8PgChallenge – STEP 5 – Scripting

  • toddmatthy

    Member
    May 18, 2020 at 5:12 am
    make icon 20 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    @jarrodelvin
    Hi Jarrod, I like this story. Its fun and imaginative. The only thing I’d do is reduce the amount of dialogue you have because I don’t see how it’ll all fit into a panel. I’d made a list of panels where I think this will be useful. Hope this helps.

    1.2: I’d make this less wordy.
    2.2
    2.3: I’d show the girls getting serious instead.
    3.1: I’d cut the entirety of IO’s first round of dialogue. The next two lines sum up what you need to get across.
    4.2
    5.1
    5.2
    6.1

    @gdawkins2
    Your story flows really well, however some panels are missing descriptions and only have dialogue which made it difficult to figure out the story’s rhythm. I made some suggestions for adjustments based on what I’ve read to help things flow better. Hope it helps.

    3.1-I’d cut this and have Lavatasha immediately have her entrance.
    4.1: Move this dialogue to the previous page.
    4.2: Move Lavatasha’s dialogue up to 4.1
    4.3-4.4: Combine these.