Forums Forums 8-Page Challenge #1 for NYCC 2020 (COMPLETED) #8PgChallenge – STEP 5 – Scripting Reply To: #8PgChallenge – STEP 5 – Scripting

  • mrkylerose

    Member
    May 11, 2020 at 10:17 am

    Hey Everyone,

    Here is the first draft of my full script. One note on how I work when I’m writing and drawing: I tend to change things up through the thumbnail process as an act of discovery. So it’s never too late for feedback. Speaking of, I have a few specific questions listed below, but I am looking for any and all feedback. I have attached a pdf of the script but also have provided a google drive link with commenting permissions. If you could I would prefer that you make comments directly in the google doc:
    https://drive.google.com/open?id=1X9U-XqOHA6ZfJ5fpE7qVwPBJJwNrpu5lYilHAnQtT0g

    Here are my questions:
    — Is the last bit of dialogue on page one (panel 5 & 6) too on the nose?
    — Did I go a little too hard on the speculative future slang? (preeb, dusties, fidget, etc)
    — Should I add one more action beat to page 4 and merge the last panel on that page with the first panel on page 5?
    — Page 5, panel 4: is the dialogue too on the nose?
    — Page 6, should panel 5 be its own close-up or just be integrated into the background of panel 4. Also, does this bit feel too deus ex machina?
    — Should I move the first panel on page 8 to be the last thing on page 7 and leave page 8 solely for an ‘epilogue’ or should I leave the reveal until the last page?
    — Does Abigail’s language sound like a crass teen girl or does it sound more like a cynical 30 plus-year-old man? lol.

    Thanks, everyone. I look forward to reading your scripts and can’t wait to hear what you have to say about mine!

    —Kyle