MemberApril 26, 2020 at 10:46 pm20 Forum PointsCBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte
–Right now, the story covers approximately 24 hours of Mr. Stupendous’ life, but the action takes place over two day, from evening to evening: I am thinking of starting it with the action on P2, morning, or even just with him coming through the window to find his wife sleeping. this would open up some space later on for other things as well as keep the action confined to a single day. OTOH: I like establishing that he’s a superhero at the beginning, and the continuity of how he got his black eye, why he is so tired at work, etc is important and I think that the first page serves a purpose in the story, plus I really like the page turn between the last panel on the first page and the first panel on the second page. Thoughts?
–There are two other areas I’m considering replacing: The first is the battle on P6. The phone booth page stands on its own. What do you think of the superhero battle? I can cut that and do a different gag there. This would be instead of cutting p1, as I think it’s important to have some superhero action in this story. The other possibility is to compress the action on the last two pages. Once he gets the wine, the other “globetrotting” stops might be redundant, although they do have some comedic potential. The action on P7-8 could be compressed into one page, leaving room for both the superhero battle and another gag.
I particularly enjoyed reading your 8 page break down, and felt the oscillations from seeing him in action through the mundane stuff, through more action, through a positive resolution in mundane stuff was very satisfying … by not being perfectly symmetrical it increases … I dunno how to say it … the ‘organic’ feel of the arc (or something like that).
If you were to compress, I think the scenes where he gathers the materials for the romantic dinner could be abbreviated as you suggest. Seeing the first pick up of the wine in France and then a fully stocked table (maybe with labels indicating source of the good) would do the trick.
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by evolver.