MemberApril 21, 2020 at 11:33 pm
I think p1 is a better place to cut, and that compressing the action on p7-8 into one page.<
You might find it helpful to take a sheet of paper and breakdown the events with simple stick-figures, too. Nothing elaborate, just enough to give your artist a sense of pacing. I find this really helpful when I’m scripting.
The only thing I would do is clarify the ending. It reads like a cliffhanger. Maybe have a line about “charging up the portal” to put a cap on it.<
I think the line I’d like to use will be “This portal should take us just outside the castle…”
I think I’d like to establish that she’s not completely in control of the tech she’s using. I do want a cliffhanger in case I decide to continue this story.
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by philipspace.