MemberApril 19, 2020 at 6:08 am
Here is some feedback for a few people. Hope this helps:
I really like the fire vs ice elemental nature of your characters. Have you thought about how this contrast can also manifest in additional ways? Ex: is there something about their personalities that’s in opposition, or maybe the way they speak? Also, this sounds like a really fun action-packed story. I look forward to seeing it come to life.
I LOVE the idea of exploring how a superhero can maintain their secret identity in a world where everyone has a broadcast studio in their pocket. I read it and immediately had one of those “why haven’t I thought of that” moments. It’s a profound concept that is relevant in a world where our privacy seems to be for sale to the highest bidder. Have you explored the deeper ramifications of this paradigm? For example, how does this relate to the hero’s culpability? Even if they manage to keep their identity a secret, will citizens want to hold them accountable for any damage they may cause etc? There are obvious parallels to the police-involved shootings, and pushing that connection could be really interesting. The ‘family man’ element works really well too. All and all, this seems like a really great modern spin on the traditional superhero genre.
Your core concept is really strong. It feels very ‘Fight Club.’ The idea of questioning reality and slipping between dream and reality states is going to be really fun to play with. The pitch you have here seems more like an overview for a larger body of work, so I’m wondering what the 8-page version is going to be? Are you just doing one of these dream cycles for the 8-pager, or are you trying to fit the whole thing in 8 pages? The latter may be a little challenging. I also like the idea of switching tones between the waking and dream states, this feels like an excellent opportunity to subvert the reader’s expectations.