• philipspace

    April 17, 2020 at 10:04 pm
    make icon 69 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    I think that your story is well-described, and will lend itself well to visual interpretation. I would suggest however toning down the treatment of your POW for two reasons;

    The first being that your Generals already have ample reason to dislike each other (being on opposing sides of the field and all), if you have one handing the other the severed head of his daughter, then you’ve just set up additional motivation for enmity with no real payoff by the end of your story. Unless Elf General is plunging his dagger into the back of his daughter’s murderer before the end of the story, the scene has no real purpose.

    Secondly, you’ve got a fairly lighthearted twist ending with an extremely gruesome visual early on in the story. Speaking as a person who’s fairly sensitive to depictions of violence against children, if you want to put that in your story that’s entirely up to you, but I know that I as a reader have checked out of continuing your story by that point. Besides, it’s really inconsistent with the tone of your finale’.

    My recommendation would be to have your POW be one of the captured soldiers from the Elf army, you can spare or kill them if you like, but from a tonal perspective it makes more sense. From an artists perspective, since you’re going to want your armies to have differing visual themes it gives your artist an opportunity to reinforce the uniform/helmet of the Elf army, and visual repetition is good. You give the reader a chance to get a bit more grounded in the story before the end.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  philipspace.