ModeratorJune 15, 2021 at 11:33 pm
Ted, I think the choice to focus and narrow was a good one. You still have two parallel stories, and I’m not sure how they’re connected yet. I think a closing comment by the bartender that conflates the non-entropic travel with the repetitive nature of the Thor/Fae/Dragon story might tie it together.
Alternatively, one of the other characters could make the remark, I think the narrator works best, but it doesn’t have to come from him. I think that kicker at the end would make a big difference, though.