Forums Forums 8-Page Challenge #2 8-Page Challenge #2 > Step 2 > Flash Fiction Flash Fiction First Draft- Quantum Pub (working title) Reply To: Flash Fiction First Draft- Quantum Pub (working title)

  • thesurrealari

    May 27, 2021 at 10:30 pm
    make icon 58 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    You have a great little story here. I love the classic scifi vibe.

    I wonder what would happen if you began it In Medias Res, perhaps at the moment of initial confusion, and then jumped forward and backward to before and after the incident. Might add something, might not, just a suggestion.

    I think there are a couple places you could zoom in a bit and enhance the narrator’s feelings of disorientation, but that’s definitely a second draft thing.

    I also love the tone. Very natural.