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© 2023 Visual Storytelling, LLC

Forum Description

Glen, I really like the twist at the end. It's a good one-twist plot construction, and an interesting concept throughout. My main suggestion here is to revisit your dialogue tags. You use a lot of "ly" adverbs. Consider showing and not telling. Describe the look on someone's face rather than using "triumphantly" for example. This will also help break up the dialogue, and give some variety to your prose. In comics, you don't need to worry about description or action as much because your artist does a lot of that work for you, but in prose, the reader relies on your words for that description. Right now, you have a wall of dialogue without much description in there. Consider adding small actions by the character or descriptions of relative setting--even some internal monologue to break up the description. That said, I think you have the framework of the excellent story here. It's well-plotted, as I mentioned above.

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