Forums Forums 8-Page Challenge #2 8-Page Challenge #2 > Step 2 > Flash Fiction Flash Fiction, incomplete draft for “Time Inn” Reply To: Flash Fiction, incomplete draft for “Time Inn”

  • thesurrealari

    May 24, 2021 at 7:47 pm
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    You have a lot of interesting things going on in this story. I like each of the elements individually: The non-entropic time-traveler, the Thor/Fae/Dragon disagreement, etc.

    I would like to see some more shape in the story; some connection between the various individual elements, or story from the bartender/narrator that gives it a bit more of a narrative arc. You have about 250 words left, so there is plenty of space to work that out.

    I also wonder what would happen if you started the story with the non-entropic time traveler. The worldbuilding/explanation which is included in his story too, so I don’t think the other human necessarily has to come before, especially because the he doesn’t factor in the rest of the story.

    That said, the high concept here is really cool. I think this has a ton of potential moving forward.