ModeratorMay 24, 2021 at 7:47 pm
You have a lot of interesting things going on in this story. I like each of the elements individually: The non-entropic time-traveler, the Thor/Fae/Dragon disagreement, etc.
I would like to see some more shape in the story; some connection between the various individual elements, or story from the bartender/narrator that gives it a bit more of a narrative arc. You have about 250 words left, so there is plenty of space to work that out.
I also wonder what would happen if you started the story with the non-entropic time traveler. The worldbuilding/explanation which is included in his story too, so I don’t think the other human necessarily has to come before, especially because the he doesn’t factor in the rest of the story.
That said, the high concept here is really cool. I think this has a ton of potential moving forward.