Forums Forums 8-Page Challenge #2 8-Page Challenge #2 > Step 3 > Plot Revisions Last warning: The flight of Philippides – Plot Revisions Reply To: Last warning: The flight of Philippides – Plot Revisions

  • jojabarker

    April 17, 2021 at 10:12 am
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    Right-off-the-bat, <a class=’bp-suggestions-mention’ href=’’ rel=’nofollow’>@ASAP really enjoying this new direction with the go-kart-in-space!

    Page 1 — I like that the exposition covers a lot of where we’re at. I’m wondering if there shouldn’t be also discussion about why there’s this new colony. For example, “[reason for colony]” MC, “I don’t care. It’s just an ends-to-a-means for my racing!”

    Page 2 — What would be interesting is if the first panel is an explosion of the main building i.e. bridge of where all the commanders are to be the first that’s demolished…?! And, the MC and supporting character comment on it be just that, “Wasn’t that–” MC, “Yeah! We’re screwed!!!”

    Page 3 — Curious how we can lay this out: Bouncing between silent and bombarded with sfx…

    Page 4 — Ooo, I can almost see him wrestling with a part when a big hole rips open into the void of space at which point he stops figeting and slaps it into place!

    Page 5 — …so, here’s a thought: Uniformed panels (the more panels, the slower time is via the Jamal Igle livestream talking about McCloud’s insight) almost akin to some of Chris Ware’s treatments in JIMMY CORRIGAN: THE SMARTEST KID ON EARTH (see attachment).

    Page 6 — If we go with the above suggestion, then a fraction of the panels to instill that panic?!

    Page 7 — A lot dialogue is missing up to this point, so it’s interesting to see it here again. Maybe one consideration is alternating between thought and speech balloons? Since he’s be isolated for so long he’d more than likely fabricate a conversation…?

    Page 8 — I wonder if “they found a colony ship…broadcasting an old style ‘radio’ signal” will be convincing enough…? Maybe the enemy ships do more than appear — attack?! I feel there needs to be an extra push shrug

    Love working on this with you Alex! Hope we can hash out my input further on our next call. ~Kirbyspeed