Forums › Forums › 8-Page Challenge #2 › 8-Page Challenge #2 > Step 5 > Scripting & Revisions › Assassins in the Tavern › Reply To: Assassins in the Tavern
ModeratorApril 9, 2021 at 7:46 am
Thank you very much for taking the time with the great feedback. I totally know its very wordy, I tend to overwrite on page text and do my edits once I see the finished page and start lettering (it’s the good thing about being my own letterer.) It also helps me make sure I get all my thoughts onto the page, but yes, I’m definitely going to have to bring an axe to some of the page text for this project.
Ari – I looked at those panels you mentioned and I get where you’re coming from. I saw it as “many things happening at once” panels, but if I want to make sure the focus is on the pills, then I should have small panels indicating what’s happening to them separate from the other actions. Good catch. I’ll look into changing that. As for their introductions, Isabel is name dropped by Valentin on page 4 and he introduces himself to David on page 5. I was looking into changing that to make it sooner, I just haven’t figured out where. Both make their appearance in the 3rd page, do you think that’s too late?
Dave – Ouch, that IS a drastic measure. If I had a bit more time, I’d figure it out, but I don’t want to go down a rewrite path that bold, this late in the game… my artist is in the Philippines and getting him on the horn is a week long project on its own 😅. But you’re also right about her presence being what humanizes Valentin, as that’s one of the reasons she’s in there in the first place. Glad you saw that!
Thank you both again. I’ll see what I can do to get that page text down from 80’s Claremont-esque level it’s at and I’m also going to make sure my artist (Roi) really emphasizes certain expressions/actions to help alleviate the necessity for text.