• Dave

    April 9, 2021 at 4:25 am
    make icon 20 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    Hey Kris, thanks for sharing! I agree with Ari above, there’s a lot of dialogue and narration for 8 pages. I also think some of the captions are unnecessary, and you can let the art/character expressions do the talking (especially on pages 12 & 13).

    I like Valentin’s arc here, for sure, and I really like how memory bleeds into the tale.

    <font face=”inherit”>Honestly, if you need to cut space, and this is a drastic suggestion, given the limited scope of the comic, you may want to cut Isabel entirely. She doesn’t really get an arc, and the moral </font>quandary<font face=”inherit”> is about whether or not Valentin will kill David. Yes, having her there does humanize Valentin, but you’ve got so few pages here, and I think Valentin being the last of the order, rather than the second to last, strengthens what you’re going for.</font>

    <font face=”inherit”>

    <font face=”inherit”>Hope this helps!</font>

    <font face=”inherit”>Dave </font>