• thesurrealari

    April 9, 2021 at 1:39 am
    make icon 59 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    I really enjoyed this story. It plays with a familiar trope in an interesting way.

    One concern I have is the way the read-order on the top of the page is described. If you are going to use any read-orders that ask the reader to go down first instead of left after the top left panel, you need a layout that makes that clear. You may want to consider the frequency with which you do that as well. Art Spiegleman has some unconventional layouts in Maus, and he uses arrows to direct the reader occasionally, which is no ideal, but hey, he’s Art Speigleman and he can get away with it. If the read order is conventional, then why do you need to indicate it at the top of each page?

    One other small thing: I was bothered by a tense shift on page 7 “A chore became a friendship” “and fates become intertwined.” Is their a reason for the shift from past to present? Consider making them match.

    Otherwise, an excellent story. Good concept, original use of the prompt.