Forums › Forums › 8-Page Challenge #2 › 8-Page Challenge #2 > Step 5 > Scripting & Revisions › Time Out Script › Reply To: Time Out Script
ModeratorApril 8, 2021 at 11:39 pm
@Dave First off, thank you for being such an active member of the community and for giving feedback on everyone’s work.
I think this is a cool story. I like the way you loop elements back more than once. It’s a good use of the visual medium.
I don’t know what your relationship with Kyle is, but I would be careful about being to specific about the layouts of the panels on each individual page. In my experience, many artists find that a bit restricting. You may want to be be more open-ended, with the exception of when you have something specific that is important to the story (Maybe the page with the “Z” in this comic).
One minor note, You have the wrong its/it’s one time. The last panel of page 2, caption 2, should read “And once you are inside, it’s completely modular.” It is modular, it is not a possessive. We would catch that in proofing, of course, but it’s better to fix mistakes early, as we catch them.
Those are relatively minor things. Overall, I like how you make use of the visual medium, which is important in a comic. The sparseness of the dialogue, the repeated panels, and the visual of the protagonist aging are all good examples of that.