• thesurrealari

    Moderator
    April 8, 2021 at 11:20 pm
    make icon 66 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    Hi Jack,

    Really tight story. I like the pacing. I think you could get away with not breaking the fighting action depending on how you cut the fight scenes. The captions seem to indicate years of the fight, so they’re not necessarily continuous.

    I do think you would benefit from some dialogue that states some of the problems earlier (as others have mentioned), to foreshadow that their eventual reconciliation and to employ some dramatic irony that pays off in the end.