• Dave

    Member
    March 31, 2021 at 6:48 am
    make icon 20 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    Hey Andres,

    Really great concept, and I really like the core relationships between Niknak and both Deklak and Gibu

    Some notes: On Page 2, I think you can let the visuals show a lot of what Niknak is saying. We’ll get that the room is bigger on the inside by seeing the forest.

    In general, you’ve got a lot of dialogue for eight pages. Maybe take a look for where you can trim things down.

    I don’t think the narration text at the bottom of page 7 is adding anything, either. I think we get that through the narrative itself.

    Still, great dynamic action, I like seeing details like the broom evolve as the story goes on, too!

    Hope this is helpful,

    Dave