Forums › Forums › 8-Page Challenge #2 › 8-Page Challenge #2 > Step 5 > Scripting & Revisions › The Bittersuite Script PDF › Reply To: The Bittersuite Script PDF
MemberMarch 31, 2021 at 6:48 am20 Forum PointsCBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte
Really great concept, and I really like the core relationships between Niknak and both Deklak and Gibu
Some notes: On Page 2, I think you can let the visuals show a lot of what Niknak is saying. We’ll get that the room is bigger on the inside by seeing the forest.
In general, you’ve got a lot of dialogue for eight pages. Maybe take a look for where you can trim things down.
I don’t think the narration text at the bottom of page 7 is adding anything, either. I think we get that through the narrative itself.
Still, great dynamic action, I like seeing details like the broom evolve as the story goes on, too!
Hope this is helpful,