• redheadeded

    Moderator
    March 29, 2021 at 4:12 am
    make icon 66 Forum Points
    CBS Forum Member: Forum Acolyte

    Hey psychophipps,

    That is a lot in one story! It sounds action packed and exciting.. I like that it all goes down in the Good Time Inn. 😉

    I will say that with so much going on it is hard to tell who is who when everyone in a team member and or a merc?.. maybe try to differenciate each team with a different noun, like these people team A is a team, but the other guys Team B are a crew or a gang, or a squad? Just a thought, might help other people who are reading your story for the first time.

    I am sure we will get into the nitty-gritty of intro’s and who’s who in the script phase so I am interested to know more.. why they want Lazlo, what kind of scienctist is he? and what makes him the best? what happened to the world? and is that tied into the kidnapping, the scientist or the “Good Time Inn”.

    Also I’m a bit unclear when Lazlo “”goes for the remote” why? there are notes being taken by who because all the bad guys are taken out? I am not sure I understand the conclusion.. Hoping to get more details in the next couple steps, and looking forward to it.

    One extra detail, and I am looking back through the documentation to make sure we mention it.. this is a PG and up publication, and we hate to edit for content.. please bare in that in mind with the killing and snipers and stuff. But it’s very cool and intense I like the premise.

    Thanks,

    D Alley, the Redheadeded

    • This reply was modified 7 months ago by  redheadeded.