#8PageChallenge — STEP-3–Revised Plots/Character Descriptions

8-Page Challenge Forums Creator Challenge – 8-Page Challenge for NYCC 2020 #8PageChallenge — STEP-3–Revised Plots/Character Descriptions

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    • #633
      A. A. Rubin
      Moderator

      Hey guys, There’s another deadline today for our revised plots. Please post yours here. Also, for those writers (like me) who are collaborating with an artist, today is also supposed to when you send a list of characters to the artist so that they have enough time to hit the character design deadline next week. Please continue to solicit/offer feedback as well. We now have two weeks to work on our scripts before they are due.

      • This topic was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by A. A. Rubin.
      • This topic was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by A. A. Rubin.
    • #638
      A. A. Rubin
      Moderator

      Here is my revised plot. I added the extra page at the office, and, though I received feedback that advised making room for this page both by consolidating the beginning and by consolidating the end, ultimately, I decided to consolidate the end, largely because of the the @mywritinghero session on the story circle. Pages 1/8 now parallel, as do pages 2/7. Pages 4-6 basically comprise the “road of trials” if we are using Campbell’s framework, and that is often the longest part of the story.

      At this point, I am basically ready to script. Often, I find that most of the specific issues work themselves out in the scripting process. I did add a couple of feedback questions after the plot:

      STUPENDOUS PLOT-DRAFT 2
      TITLE: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MR STUPENDOUS
      P1—Night—MR STUPENDOUS stands on a rooftop, in costume on his cell phone. He is telling someone he will be late, again.
      –Fight scene in which Mr. Stupendous is hit in the eye, but, ultimately, prevails.
      –Mr. Stupendous arrives home (through his window), to find his wife asleep. The clock reads “3:00AM”—Stupendous.
      P2—Same bed, same clock the alarm goes off at 6am, the first panel mirrors the last on the previous page. STUPENDOUS reaching to hit the snooze as his WIFE remains asleep.
      –Stupendous’ in his bathroom applying his wife’s makeup to cover a black eye. S/he’s running out of concealer.
      –Stupendous, in his secret identity/business attire says goodbye to his wife before going to work. As he walks down the hall, he hears her (using his super-hearing) whisper that she hopes he isn’t cheating on her.
      P3—The morning commute: STUPENDOUS rushes to the subway, misses his train—“stupendous”
      –Stupendous changes into his costume and tries to fly to work, quickly, so as not to be late.
      –As he flies through the air, carrying his briefcase, and brown paper bag lunch.
      –The sky darkens
      –It rains.
      –Closeup–Stupendous
      P4—STUPENDOUS on the rooftop of his office. Think of any number iconic batman or daredevil scenes, but our hero looks like shit—he’s soaked, makeup has worn off, the remnants of his destroyed (now empty) lunch bag hang in his hands.
      The hero, now changed (possible transition panel of him either changing or entering the roof door) enters the office, at 9 AM. (Might make it 9:05 so that he’s technically late.
      –BOSS berates Stupendous for slovenly appearance (possibly being late).
      –BOSS hands Stupendous a file with work that has to be done by the end of the day.
      P5-Watchmen-style grid, symbolic of the way he’s trapped by his job and also because the repeating panels would work well in this format. Each panel shows the same view of the office, MR STUPENDOUS sitting at his desk, working on the computer. There’s an old analog clock on the wall, that advances throughout the day as it drags on, and a window.
      The action is as follows:
      –Stupendous working at the desk.
      –A call for help (op) from the window
      –Stupendous (in costume) flying out of the window
      –An empty office/open window
      –Stupendous back at the desk
      –Stupendous yawns
      –Stupendous asleep (napping because he’s tired from the late night before)
      –Wakes up (it’s 4:30) good thing I have super-speed…
      –Hands file to BOSS, who replies “stupendous.”
      P6—5:10 PM—outside the office—A distant cry for help—This looks like a job for…MR STUPENDOUS!
      –As long as he can find a phone booth to change—Oh no!, no phonebooths.
      –A series of attempts to change in various weird locations, and can’t for various reasons (a line at the restroom; a video surveillance camera in a back alley, etc)
      –He has to change in a port-a-potty—“Stupendous.”
      P7—Arriving late, because of the action on the previous page—STUPENDOUS joins a battle, late (What took you so long?)
      –Stupendous’ strikes the decisive blow.
      –The heroes are victorious.
      –The other heroes ask Stupendous out for a drink to celebrate, but he refuses. He has to get home to his wife.
      –Stupendous flies off, as the other heroes make snarky remarks as he flies away, with a sonic boom that breaks the sound barrier.
      P8—STUPENDOUS breaks the sound barrier, flies across the ocean to France.
      –Buys wine from a vinter in the French countryside
      –Calls wife on cell—meet me on the roof in one hour:
      –Flying home.
      –Setting the table, also somewhere a new suit/garment bag from Italy.
      –The couple sits down to eat, clinks glasses (with the French wine)
      –Stupendous asks her what she thinks; she answers, “Stupendous.”

      Feedback questions:

      1. I am considering modifying the turn from P3-4 so that it doesn’t start raining until 4. I feel like that’s a nice page turn reveal, however, it might make the transition to the rest of the action on P4 awkward.
      2. Alternatively, I am considering making the rooftop scene full-page (with a couple of insets indicating the needed exposition with entering the office/the boss). I like the irony of the iconic rooftop scene, and feel like it could be a striking image, and also a nice visual contrast with the many-paneled page 5, but OTOH, it make make the expository action unclear.
      3. On the last page, I’m considering making the page (or part of the page) parallel action with Stupendous/Wife’s perspective rather than just Stupendous perspective, which it is now.

      Thanks in advance.

    • #639
      A. A. Rubin
      Moderator

      Here is my revised plot. I added the extra page at the office, and, though I received feedback that advised making room for this page both by consolidating the beginning and by consolidating the end, ultimately, I decided to consolidate the end, largely because of the the @mywritinghero session on the story circle. Pages 1/8 now parallel, as do pages 2/7. Pages 4-6 basically comprise the “road of trials” if we are using Campbell’s framework, and that is often the longest part of the story.

      At this point, I am basically ready to script. Often, I find that most of the specific issues work themselves out in the scripting process. I did add a couple of feedback questions after the plot:

      STUPENDOUS PLOT-DRAFT 2
      TITLE: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MR STUPENDOUS
      P1—Night—MR STUPENDOUS stands on a rooftop, in costume on his cell phone. He is telling someone he will be late, again.
      –Fight scene in which Mr. Stupendous is hit in the eye, but, ultimately, prevails.
      –Mr. Stupendous arrives home (through his window), to find his wife asleep. The clock reads “3:00AM”—Stupendous.
      P2—Same bed, same clock the alarm goes off at 6am, the first panel mirrors the last on the previous page. STUPENDOUS reaching to hit the snooze as his WIFE remains asleep.
      –Stupendous’ in his bathroom applying his wife’s makeup to cover a black eye. S/he’s running out of concealer.
      –Stupendous, in his secret identity/business attire says goodbye to his wife before going to work. As he walks down the hall, he hears her (using his super-hearing) whisper that she hopes he isn’t cheating on her.
      P3—The morning commute: STUPENDOUS rushes to the subway, misses his train—“stupendous”
      –Stupendous changes into his costume and tries to fly to work, quickly, so as not to be late.
      –As he flies through the air, carrying his briefcase, and brown paper bag lunch.
      –The sky darkens
      –It rains.
      –Closeup–Stupendous
      P4—STUPENDOUS on the rooftop of his office. Think of any number iconic batman or daredevil scenes, but our hero looks like shit—he’s soaked, makeup has worn off, the remnants of his destroyed (now empty) lunch bag hang in his hands.
      The hero, now changed (possible transition panel of him either changing or entering the roof door) enters the office, at 9 AM. (Might make it 9:05 so that he’s technically late.
      –BOSS berates Stupendous for slovenly appearance (possibly being late).
      –BOSS hands Stupendous a file with work that has to be done by the end of the day.
      P5-Watchmen-style grid, symbolic of the way he’s trapped by his job and also because the repeating panels would work well in this format. Each panel shows the same view of the office, MR STUPENDOUS sitting at his desk, working on the computer. There’s an old analog clock on the wall, that advances throughout the day as it drags on, and a window.
      The action is as follows:
      –Stupendous working at the desk.
      –A call for help (op) from the window
      –Stupendous (in costume) flying out of the window
      –An empty office/open window
      –Stupendous back at the desk
      –Stupendous yawns
      –Stupendous asleep (napping because he’s tired from the late night before)
      –Wakes up (it’s 4:30) good thing I have super-speed…
      –Hands file to BOSS, who replies “stupendous.”
      P6—5:10 PM—outside the office—A distant cry for help—This looks like a job for…MR STUPENDOUS!
      –As long as he can find a phone booth to change—Oh no!, no phonebooths.
      –A series of attempts to change in various weird locations, and can’t for various reasons (a line at the restroom; a video surveillance camera in a back alley, etc)
      –He has to change in a port-a-potty—“Stupendous.”
      P7—Arriving late, because of the action on the previous page—STUPENDOUS joins a battle, late (What took you so long?)
      –Stupendous’ strikes the decisive blow.
      –The heroes are victorious.
      –The other heroes ask Stupendous out for a drink to celebrate, but he refuses. He has to get home to his wife.
      –Stupendous flies off, as the other heroes make snarky remarks as he flies away, with a sonic boom that breaks the sound barrier.
      P8—STUPENDOUS breaks the sound barrier, flies across the ocean to France.
      –Buys wine from a vinter in the French countryside
      –Calls wife on cell—meet me on the roof in one hour:
      –Flying home.
      –Setting the table, also somewhere a new suit/garment bag from Italy.
      –The couple sits down to eat, clinks glasses (with the French wine)
      –Stupendous asks her what she thinks; she answers, “Stupendous.”

      Feedback questions:

      1. I am considering modifying the turn from P3-4 so that it doesn’t start raining until 4. I feel like that’s a nice page turn reveal, however, it might make the transition to the rest of the action on P4 awkward.
      2. Alternatively, I am considering making the rooftop scene full-page (with a couple of insets indicating the needed exposition with entering the office/the boss). I like the irony of the iconic rooftop scene, and feel like it could be a striking image, and also a nice visual contrast with the many-paneled page 5, but OTOH, it make make the expository action unclear.
      3. On the last page, I’m considering making the page (or part of the page) parallel action with Stupendous/Wife’s perspective rather than just Stupendous perspective, which it is now.

      Thanks in advance.

    • #659
      Matthew Timpanelli
      Participant

      Here is my character list:

      Cole Daylon – Cole is an artist who works at a coffee shop for money. He is undergoing an existential crisis. He doesn’t want to make art his career because he feels it will cheapen his art, but he receives acclaim for his works. He isn’t sure if it is earned and rather than make him feel more confident, it lessens his faith in humanity. He feels people are responding to who he is and missing the real message in his work.

      Grace (or name unknown, name not mentioned in the 8 pgs) – Not much is known about this mysterious woman who appears in Cole’s dreams but she has comforting presence. She is strong, beautiful and selfless.

      Derwin – Cole’s best friend and co-worker. He admires Cole, almost worships him. Cole treats him like an annoying younger brother. He lacks respect for Derwin (probably because Derwin admires him) but loves him like family. Derwin is always begging Cole to come to social events. If it weren’t for him Cole would stay home to paint or write.

      Cole’s other friends – Not much to know other than they are artsy types, attend social gatherings and are occasionally convinced that Cole is special based upon Derwin’s praise.

      Eleanor – Cole’s older sister. She is a new age believer and an idealist. Her and Cole are similar but Cole is a bit more of a realist. He knows there is more to life than what is apparent but doesn’t pretend to know what that is. Eleanor seems to believe whatever she reads or is taught by her many gurus and ex-lovers. Still she is wise beyond her years and has been a muse to Cole. Eleanor and Cole have distanced themselves from the rest of their family because they are very different. Their father is a lawyer and their mother is a college professor.

      <hr />

      I have not revised my page breakdown yet. What I posted was already my 2nd draft. I have incorporated much of the initial feedback I have gotten already. I have acquired an artist to work on this and will probably revise it based on his feedback, if any.

    • #660
      Samuel Barber
      Participant

      Red Angel Dragnet – Character List

      Alabaaster
      A large-framed man with ancient looks. The idea here is an Italian druid that has lived in some way from the time of Caesar’s invasion and destruction of the druids. I’m thinking Samuel L Jackson, Edris Elba, or Mahershala Ali.

      Primrose
      A tall, fighter framed person with both soft and sharp features – sexually ambiguous – male and female. This is intentional. His/her backstory is influenced by this lifestyle. This character has lived several lives (not as long as Alabaastar) as both a man and a woman as she/he is immortal (sort of). I am thinking of Bowie, Iggy, Lou Reed, and Joe Strummer for attitude and frame. American but of Italian heritage.

      The Girl
      A thin, street dwelling person. Smart and cunning but scared as well. 18 to 21 years old. I was thinking Italian but that is not written in stone.

      The Gang
      This scene takes place in an Italian countryside tavern. The gang can be a mix of European types. Whatever looks good.

      The Leader – Human Form
      In human form, the leader is a large assuming man. Not a bodybuilder but a fighter look that could take out half the town on his own. Very sinister.

      The Leader – Demon Form
      Nothing too crazy here but be creative. This is a demon that took the human form to live on earth and control the humans in the gang. Artists’ discretion.

      Bar Owner and Bar people
      Just some background people here to fill the bar. The owner will have some scenes but I’ll leave this to artist discretion. – Try to keep from any stereotypes.

      Red Angel Dragnet
      Plot/Page Breakdown – REVISION: Chapter 4 – Where do we go from here?

      Page 1:
      Est Shot: It’s a late evening at a tavern in a small town in Italy.
      The tavern is quiet with only a few of the locals inside relaxing and enjoying the peace. Primrose(a tall, fighter framed person with both soft and sharp features – sexually ambiguous – male or female) is keeping an eye on the surroundings and not being attentive to Alabaaster(a large-framed man with ancient looks – Ethiopian) who is doing most of the talking. It’s obvious these two are comfortable here and have known each other for quite some time. Primrose knows Alabaaster always has an agenda and is suspicious of the meeting as Alabaaster remanences about their previous adventures.

      Page 2/Page 3:
      Alabaaster begins to hedge to why he has reunited with Primrose again when a group of 6 tough and hardened men and women come busting into the small tavern. Loud and intrusive, they come in not afraid of anyone and acting like they own the place. The group gets the attention of Primrose and Alabaaster. Just a few fleeting glances nothing that would need any action from our pair. As the group ramp up their good time, a young girl comes into the bar. The tavern owner obviously knows the girl and gives her some food and water and tries to usher her out quickly when the “leader” of the group that came in takes an eye to the young girl (she is pretty, in her late teens early 20s, thin-framed and looks as if she is poor-unkept clothes, little dirty).

      Page 4:
      The harassment of the young girl begins to escalate with the whole gang taking part in it. Primrose, who has been watching the events very carefully, looks over to see Alabaaster already in position for a fight. As the gang decides to take the girl from the bar, they turn to see Alabaaster blocking the side exit the tavern owner was trying to get the girl to go out of earlier. Then the group hears a door bolt shut and turns to see Primrose standing at the main entrance/exit and the fight begins.

      Page 5/Page 6/Page 7
      The gang members are good fighters but not good enough to beat out Primrose and Alaabaster. When our heroes subdue the 5 gang members, they turn their attention to the leader, who has been watching the fight while restraining the girl. As Primrose and Alabaaster move in on the leader, he begins to transform into his true form, demon. The leader in demon forms turns his full attention to the girl who is scared out of her mind. She begins to scream. Only this scream escalates to almost a song and begins to tear apart the demon and continues to do so until the demon is completely destroyed. Before he disappears, he looks at Primrose and Alabaaster and tells them they will never make it out of the region with the girl. After the demon is gone, the girl turns to Primrose and Alabaaster and faints from exhaustion.

      Page 8:
      Primrose looks at Alabaaster with an inquisitive look, Alabaaster looks back with a smirk. Primrose knows, therefore, Alabaaster wanted to meet in this tavern tonight. Without saying much Primrose walks over to the girl and picks her up. Alabaaster talks to the tavern owner in whispers and hands him some money for the damages and his silence. Primrose exits the tavern carrying the girl and places her in Alabaaster’s sidecar and hops on her bike (Primrose makes note that Alabaaster came with a sidecar). Alabaaster exits the tavern and gets on his bike. The two discuss the plan to take the girl to Primrose’s convent and discuss taking her to Mother Superior. Primrose puts on her habit and robe and they ride off for the next chapter.

    • #664
      mywritinghero
      Participant

      @thesurrealari is it possible to hint towards the impending rain on page 3 (darkening sky, maybe a few scattered drops of rain, etc.) but delay the torrential downpour to page 4? I dig your idea of turning the page into the rain (especially if we’re in a mostly-full-page iconic rooftop homage) and I think the effect would still be preserved even if we’re starting to see evidence of rain. We’ve all been there – it’s just a few drops, it’s just sprinkling, maybe the rain will hold out…and then BOOM, nope. You’re soaked!

      What is the information in 4 that you’re concerned would be missed? It sounds like we need the boss berating him and handing him work – I should think that would fit in one or two smaller, strategically-placed inset panels. Is there more here that you’re worried about missing?

      Regarding the last page question of dual perspectives – we’re with Stupendous’s perspective the rest of the time, correct? If so, (1) what is the goal of introducing a new perspective in this page? and (2) is there setup that will prepare the reader for dual perspectives, or is this a complete surprise? I’m curious about this idea and would love to hear more of what brought it about.

    • #665

      Here is my character list:

      Lavatasha- Latasha Conyers, a 15-year-old black girl with lava and heat generation powers.

      Black Ice- A black man around his late twenties with ice generation powers. His preferred attire is a sleeveless hoodie and baggy jeans.

      3 Security guards- Side characters who try to stop Black Ice from robbing the bank.

      The only revision I made to my plot was including a part on the last page where Lavatasha takes a selfie with the security guards for Instagram after she stops Black Ice. My script is ready now and I’d like to collaborate with @maryamsmark.

    • #676
      Todd Matthy
      Participant

      Here is my revised plot. I’ve included my character descriptions at the top. I’m still looking for an artist. Message or email me at todd.matthy@gmail.com

      Carl “Crusher” Christian- A burly 62 year old veteran professional wrestler. About 6ft. 250 pounds. His body was once muscular but is starting to sag due to age. He wrestles in black trunks.

      “Sleazy” Steve Simmons- A thin but build 38 year old professional wrestler. About 5 ft. 10 in. 210 pounds. He has a muscular body that he oils up and wears thin speedo-like wrestling trunk. He has a thick mustache and curly hair and should give off the vibe of a porn star.

      “Respect”

      By Todd Matthy

      PAGE ONE

      Crusher Christian walks into a VFW Hall. He is thinking about how the wrestling business has changed from when he broke in. He thinks about having to eat at different restaurants from his opponents or how if he lost a bar fight he’d be fired. He says today’s generation don’t have respect for the business. Like the man he’s wrestling tonight, Sleazy Steve.

      PAGE TWO

      Crusher thinks about Sleazy Steve and how he’s “exposing” the business with blatantly fake moves like his “pelvusplex.” Crusher says guys like him would be beaten out of the business in his day. “Hey Crusher,” Sleazy Steve calls and asks him to come into a room.

      PAGE THREE
      Crusher sits down at a card table with Steve and the matchmaker. Steve says that while he was angered by Crusher’s comments on Twitter about his pelvusplex, some of his comments were out of line. “In the end it led to this match,” Steve smiles. Crusher sits silently. Steve says that he and the booker have decided that he’ll go over Crusher and take the pelvusplex. Crusher refuses. Steve reminds him that he has a pacemaker which is the reason the CWC is no longer using him. He tells Crusher that he doesn’t want to give him the reputation of being “difficult.” Steve leaves.

      PAGE FOUR
      Crusher changing in the locker room, angered by Steve comments. He watches Steve yuck it up with two wrestlers practicing a “social distancing match” where they lock up but never touch. Crusher decides to teach Sleazy Steve a lesson. Crusher steps through the curtain for their match.

      PAGE FIVE
      Sleazy Steve and Crusher Christian lock up and trade moves. The referee whispers it’s time for them to “go home” so Steve puts Crusher’s hand in his crotch to set up the pelvusplex. Crusher doesn’t go for it. He crushes Steve’s crotch with his hand. “Time to go to school son…”

      PAGE SIX
      Crusher starts beating up Steve for real by throwing elbows, kicks, and trapping him in a sleeper hold. He lectures Steve about how this is what wrestling was really like back in his day. How he and Bruno wrestled until it was time for the finish. He tells Steve that if he wants to win he has to earn it…by any means necessary. Crusher feels a pain in his chest. He holds it.

      PAGE SEVEN

      Crusher clotheslines Sleazy Steve but is brought to his knees by chest pain. Sleazy Steve wants to know what’s wrong. Crusher headbutts him and tells him this only ends until he finds a way to pin him. Still, woozy from chest pain, Sleazy Steve seizes the opportunity to roll Crusher into a cradle for the three count.

      PAGE EIGHT

      Backstage, Crusher is being looked at by paramedics. Sleazy Steve asks why he attacked him and why he kept the match going. Crusher says that’s the business. It’s not about awwing people with moves, it’s about making people believe you’re real. That’s the difference between modern wrestling and old-school wrestling. Crusher tells Sleazy Steve and the entire locker room that if they want to learn the right way and wrestle in arenas, they know where to find him.

      One Week Later: Sleazy Steve shows up at Crusher’s wrestling school. Crusher smiles. “Hope for you yet boy…”

    • #684
      philipspace
      Participant

      My revised plot.

      The Anachronists (working title):
      Trapped in Time
      Springboard:
      A girl from the 25th century (Xandra) and her 19th century cowboy companion (Mattias) have accidentally travelled back in time to the Middle Ages. Chased by guardsmen, they are captured by an evil knight (Edmond the Black), who is accompanied by his young ward (Michel). Escorted back to the castle, Xandra and Mattias are taken immediately to the dungeon where they await torture and execution (’cause it’s the Middle-ages).
      That evening, Edmond meets with Xandra’s nemesis, an evil professor (Prof Winters), who has been tracking her across time with his henchman, a 19th Century Bandit (“Killer” Miller). The Professor Winters offers the evil Edmond a way to take control of the kingdom by offering him advanced weaponry in exchange for his prisoners. This meeting is overheard by the Michel, who sneaks into the dungeon and frees Xandra and Mattias. Grabbing their future-tech, they race through the castle evading the guards. Finding a room, Xandra opens up a time portal to leave the castle and escapes with Mattias and Michel. The last panel has all three of them standing confused in a 21st century Big City, repeater, sword, and time-wand at the ready. Possibly surrounded by police, I haven’t decided yet.
      At this point I have the page flow pretty much plotted out, and I’m working up thumbnails and prelims. I wanted to go with easily recognizable character archetypes so that the story could get right underway. My other thought was Future-girl and the young Squire meeting up with the Cowboy in the 19th century instead (still ending in a 21st century big city), but I like the “Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” vibe of this just slightly better.
      Characters;

      Xandra – 20 year old woman from the 25th Century, a research assistant to Professor Winters turned time-traveller. Smart, optimistic, but hates violence and carries no weapons.

      Mattias Smith – Male, mid 30’s. Cowboy/gunfighter from the 19th Century, of African descent, accidental time-travelling companion of Xandra. Tough, capable, but a little too ready to settle disputes with force.

      Michel – 16-year-old 12th Century French noble. Land holdings in England, understudy to Edmond the Black. Brave but inexperienced, he’s been training to become a knight when his guardsmen (led by Edmond) capture Xandra and Mattias.

      Edmond the Black – Male, late 30’s. English feudal lord. Ruthless and capable, he seeks to take possession of Michel’s land holdings for himself.

      Professor Winters (working name)– Male, early 50’s. 25th Century professor of applied temporal physics. Brilliant but quite mad. I haven’t nailed down his exact motivation yet, but Xandra’s trying to stop him. He only shows up in about 2 panels in this story.

      Fred “Killer” Miller – Male, mid-30’s. A 19th century bandit/gunfighter who has become Professor Winters henchman. Shifty and untrustworthy, he also only shows up in about 2 panels with Prof. Winters. <

      Plot breakdown;

      Page 1: Xandra and Mattias race through a forest side-by-side, Mattias is carrying a repeater rifle. Xandra checks a device attached to her ear as she runs which provides her brief info about the era she’s in. They are being pursued by medieval guards and two men on horseback.

      Page 2: Xandra and Mattias come to a cliff. Mattias raises his rifle but Xandra stops him, “They might be someone’s ancestors!” Edmond the Black, one of the horsemen leading the guards (the other is Michel), informs them that they are trespassing and will be escorted back to the castle.

      Page 3: The guards walk Xandra and Mattias back at spearpoint, with the horsemen following. Michel asks Edmond if this is necessary, and Edmond, as caretaker of his lands assures him that he cannot take any chances with security. “They might be spies.”
      Xandra and Mattias walk under the portcullis and wonders “Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.” Last panel– they are behind bars, “Maybe not”.

      Page 4: Castle, Great Hall. Edmond is being addressed by Prof. Winters about how to deal with the boy in exchange for his prisoners. The Professor hands him a repeater rifle, which Edmond receives with a smile. Evil laughing ensues. Listening in at the door however is young Michel.

      Page 5: Castle, dungeon. Mattias and Xandra discuss how they can escape. Mattias wanted to use his superior firepower, but Xandra argues that there must be a better way. A door creaks open, revealing Michel armed with a sword, who unlocks their cell.

      Page 6: No time to argue, they grab their gear and bolt down the hallway—and immediately run into guards. Running the other way, they dart into a side room. Mattias has guns at the ready but Michel waves him in.

      Page 7: Michel bars the door to the room. On the other side of the door Edmond orders that it be broken down. Inside the room Michel drops to his knee and pledges to help Xandra and Mattias escape any way that he can.

      Page 8: “That door’s not going to hold!” shouts Mattias. Xandra points a remote-control type device and opens a time-portal. “This should get us outside of the castle.” She steps through, with the two men moving toward it. Final panel the three of them looking confused, standing in a modern-day (circa 21st century) city with drawn sword, repeater, and Time-wand at the ready. Maybe surrounded by police, I haven’t decided yet.

    • #687

      Worlds’ Greatest

      Plot Breakdown:
      PAGE ONE: The would be monotonous day of a sprawling metropolis is interrupted by the sparks of an interdimensional incursion.

      PAGE TWO & THREE: Two factions of malevolent force, the coincidence of their arrival causing an immediate brawl to erupt. It’s only with the arrival of APEX PRIME (The Trouble w/Love), this world’s GREATEST hero, that the violence pauses.

      PAGE FOUR: They attack him; bounding over and through one another to get a crack at the caped hero. PHENOM (Juggernaut – large muscles, armored with unique head covering), get’s dealt with first, leveled with a single blow that catapults him like a battering ram flattening the others.

      PAGE FIVE: Armed assassins, DEADSPORT (Deathstroke – athletic, with tactical mercenary armor), ON-POINT (Bullseye – slender framed hitman, wearing monochrome one-piece under a trench coat), KILL BOX (Deadpool – slender, but maniacal killer, wearing a full mask and LOTS of pouches) open fire! But their barrage of bullets miss their mark as Prime ignites with superspeed. He races towards them, then abruptly stops, using the ensuing sonic boom to incapacitate them all.

      PAGE SIX: Arcs of various, violent energies strike Prime, stunning him, as TERRO (Sinestro – frail humanoid alien, with energetic power glove), LODESTONE (Magneto – older, flowing jacket looks like a regal cape), MANIFOLD (Amazon – large humanoid robot, looks like an unfinished prototype), and MAL (Ultron – eerie faced, metallic android), join the fray. Prime responds unleashing a BLAZER VISION blast that engulfs the area in red.

      PAGE SEVEN: With the energy wielders now defeated behind him, Prime turns to face the last wave of baddies — the Masterminds, who expertly waited to gauge the strengths and weaknesses of our hero. Their number, SIR QUIETUS (Dr. Doom — hooded and caped, overlord), EXEC (Lex Luthor – robust power suit, armed and teeming with power), CULL (Apocalypse — bright color skin, also in an advanced power suit), ETHOS (Black Adam — mythically imbue demigod), BLACKSIDE (Darkseid — large, ultimate evil entity), stand together waiting to see which of them will act first.

      PAGE EIGHT: And it’s Blackside, who casually turns on their rank and blasts them all with his UNI-GOD FORCE. He quips about then not being the time for this contest, opens a portal back home and walks through.

      The narration of this story will be from Blackside, who is internally dissecting the skills and power of Apex Prime before determining that he’s too much of a nuisance to battle at this time. I thought it would be a fun voice to play with, especially alluding to the notion that he’s seen power like this before!

    • #689
      BuddyScalera
      Keymaster

      Here’s my post about the Revisions of your 8-Page Story.

      How to Revise the Plot of Your 8-Page Comic Story | #8PgChallenge – Step 3
      https://www.comicbookschool.com/8-page-comic-plot-revision/

    • #695
      Sathem
      Participant

      Characters:
      Samander, a salamander/gecko-like alien, female, a chef, easy-going but emotionally distant
      Remigius Lafontaine: a moth-like vampire alien, male, full of himself for good reason
      Van Skelter: the proxy between the boffins and grunts, distinct from either, stern and disdainful
      Boffins: researchers from a prestigious university, not used to roughing it, passionate but delicate
      Grunts: hired hands, poorer in manner and dress compared to the boffins, language as rough as their hands

      I didn’t make any structural changes since plotting, or any other changes really, should I have done something?

      Page 1: wide shot of the expedition, the jungle is alien and wild
      there is a clear division between the boffers and the grunts
      Samander hitches a ride on the side of the burden-beast
      The boffers sneer at her and the grunts have a good-natured envy

      make sure the scifi and other planet aspect comes though on this page
      have a clear divide in class between the Boffins and the Grunts

      Page 2: A brief rest means Samander starts peeling vegetables
      the procession is started up again, disrupting Samander
      they travel though a tree-tunnel
      and emerge and discover a tomb

      the job sucks, she isnt appreciated

      Page 3: Samander distributes lunch, the boffers are discussing translations
      The grunts are discussing curses
      They are shot down and told it has been 50 years since sapient life went extinct

      Page 4: The seal is broken and Samander is picked (forced) to go along
      they come across a big chamber with a river, an island in the center
      on the island lies a ‘corpse’

      Page 5: the man is still alive

      Page 6: the boffers discuss the man
      samander brings him a meal which he denies so she sits with him to eat it
      he monologues at her and decides he likes her

      Page 7: Samander wakes and everyone is gone
      She leaves the tomb to the scene of a massacre

      Page 8: the man finishes eating from the crew and introduces himself
      He decides Samander will be his companion and will lend credibility to their rescue
      she decides why the hell not because she was taking shit jobs anyway

    • #696
      A. A. Rubin
      Moderator

      Thank you @mywritinghero. My intent was to hint at the rain with the darkening skies I mentioned in the page 3 description, but perhaps the foreshadowing isn’t strong enough. Maybe I should add a drop or two to emphasize it. I like your suggestion about page 4 as well, and I am leaning toward going with the full page with the two or three insets. Looking at it again, I am more worried about loaing the effect of the rain joke if that is confined to an inset, but I’ll have to see where it goes in the scripting.

      In terms of the last page, I think you are correct that the split perspective doesn’t fit with the rest of the narrative and that a POV shift that late in the story might be jarring. TBH, I was just throwing ideas out there. At this point in the process I’m usually scripting, but I am committed to following the project steps as delineated in the schedule, so I threw a couple of things in to see if they might work. The parallel perspective idea was one I am using in another comics story which I’m currently writing. The idea interests me, especially as it takes advantage of the visual nature of the comics medium, but after reading your comments, and thinking about it some more, I am going to scrap it for this story. I think I can accomplish what I need with a different device. If I want to show him rushing, for example, I can do it through his super senses overhearing things that are going on off panel.

      Thank you again for your feedback (and for your discussion of Barthleme in the other thread.

    • #697
      Jarrod Elvin
      Participant

      Hi! Here is my character list and plot springboard with panel breakdowns. Sorry I am late, I got caught up writing it into a full script and failed to notice that the Plot Revision Stage was just a matter of the panel descriptions.
      The main characters are pre-existing characters of mine, and thusly their descriptions were pre-existing. The character descriptions go into detail about their individual personalities and backstories, but for the purpouse of this short comic story they are essentially just a group of badass heroines, except Fidget whose personality does come into play a bit in this story.

      ‘MickMacks’ Meatbucket MegaBabes in the Virus Dimension’
      Fidget, Chemi, Dot, Fem Fatale, Vanessa, Daemiana and Scythe, plus IO vs cosmic horror monsters and Virus God.
      Character List:
      Meatbucket MegaBabes:

      Pre-existing characters. A collection of seven leading ladies from my previous comics, collected into a group I use for pinup art on Patreon. They exist in the multiverse amongst my comic storyline-universes, called the Meatbucket.

      Fidget: Fidget is a unique anomaly from a generation of cartoonishly stylized, genetically modified clones of the Leader of the MickMacks’ Galactic Corporation. Originally from ‘The Meatbucket Dimension’ short comics, she is a somewhat psychotic, but fun-loving Nurse. She gives the impression that she is ditzy and naive, but Fidget is not to be underestimated. She is highly intelligent, albeit easily distracted. While others may think that she is not all there, there is method to her madness that will leave them all surprised, if not a little intimidated.

      Chemi: Chemi Cool is a self-aware artificial intelligence in the body of a computer-generated hologram projection. Created in the far-future by a vast corporation as a pop-star and poster-child for their promotional campaigns. She comes from a story as yet unpublished by MickMacks. Chemi can travel freely through cyberspace and appear in the real world through any electrical device. However she is made of light and has no mass, so she cannot physically interact with or touch anything in the real world. This frustrates her, but she is not to be toyed with. Chemi is not only an impossibly talented singer and dancer, but a brilliant tactician and she can easily hypnotise people into submission with her dynamic allure.

      Dot: Dot Nightingale is a young semi-goth girl who has stumbled into a dangerous science-fiction conpsiracy in the MickMacks’ Meatbucket comic series ‘VioleNt Streak’, from which she is the lead character. A little gullible, and she will scream at any jump-scare. However this does not stop Dot from digging deeper into a good mystery. She is intrigued by things that are dark or gross, and if you are the one who makes her scream, she will attack with the anger she has bottled inside.

      Fem Fatale: A retro-futuristic James Bond style villainess. Highly dangerous and elusive, wanted in over 7000 dimensions for her hi-tech cat-burglary, and for her looks. Fem comes from the animated music video by MickMacks for Sydney band, Slimey Things, in their song ‘Death Ray’. Fem Fatale uses her hand-held ray gun to ensnare the hearts of men, and women, to make them do her bidding. She has amassed a huge wealth in her secret lair, with an army of man-slaves in French-maid outfits.

      Vanessa: Vanessa Woodbury is the estranged daughter of the King of Vampires. Taken from her father at a very young age, she has been trained in the deadly arts of Vampire Hunters to be the key to bringing him down. Vanessa comes from the MickMacks’ Meatbucket comic, ‘Anti-Divine’ from which she is the lead character. Shy and traumatised from her youth, Vanessa usually keeps to herself, but she is not weak. With silver blades screwed into her fingertips and all the weaponry of the Vampire Hunters combined with the speed and grace of a full-blood royal vampire, Vanessa is the deadliest of adversaries.

      Daemiana: Seen by some as a desert witch and temptress, Daemiana is the burlesque star in an undead-wonderland casino who easily parts men from their desert jewels. She can summon hell-flames at will and has ties to demonic powers. Daemiana comes from the MickMacks’ Meatbucket graphic novel, ‘Ranger Dentface’, where she is trapped in the outback desert of a world between the living and the dead, trying to find her own way out. She has a hot temper and does not suffer fools lightly, but her brash demeanour is only a way to protect herself.

      Scythe: Scythe is the dark side of Dot from ‘VioleNt Streak’ comics. In a future reality, she has been captured and transformed by the evil corporation IRIS, into the all-destroying agent of the apocalypse and assassin. Enhanced with super-powers and equipped with high-tech weaponry and body armour, Scythe is Dot’s violent streak manifest, her anger unleashed and harnessed into an unstoppable force of evil.

      IO: The on-board robot who is the personification of the spaceship’s Artifical Intelligence.

      Nyarlathopus: The Virus God, omnipresent in the Virus Dimension, but personified into a single humanoid presence. Its name and image pay homage to HP Lovecraft.

      Cosmic horror monsters:
      The landscape of the Virus Dimension; Masses of fleshy writhing tentacles covered in eyes, teeth and other appendages. Some take the forms of monsters or other anatomical lifeforms, but for the most part are restricted to the background art.

      Springboard: ‘The Virus Dimension’ with panel breakdowns.
      [ACT 1]
      Page 1:

      The ‘Meatbucket MegaBabes’ are a group of female cartoon pinup models/interdimensional mercaneries/saleswomen. Travelling through different galaxies and dimensions in their giant spaceship, they are collecting information on the latest issue dominating galactic news;
      Breakdown:
      3 large and wide panels to introduce and establish the characters and location.
      1. Spaceship flying through cosmos
      2. MegaBabes in cool poses.
      3. Behind shot of MegaBabes looking at a large video screen, getting briefed by AI robot.

      Page 2:
      A virus has taken over the galaxy, planet by planet. It causes it’s sufferers to mutate and meld together into grotesque Lovecraftian entities. Interplanetary travel has been outlawed to prevent the spread of this contagion. Everyone is forced, by law, to stay in their homes, but this is not stopping the virus from spreading. The MegaBabes’ AI intelligence suggests that the virus is of interdimensional origin.
      Breakdown:
      Establish conflict/premise. Panel montage of the effects of the virus in a generic slice-of-life world as AI robot (IO) is narrating. Reveal that is displayed on video screen with MegaBabes watching.
      1. Image of former household interior being overtaken by hideous blobs.
      2. Image of city skyscrapers being overtaken by hideous blobs.
      3. Image of planets being overtaken by hideous blobs.
      4. Zoomed-out map of cosmos on large video screen. IO is narrating.
      5. Image on screen changes to technical spectrometry graph emitting from a single virus particle.
      6. Shot of all the MegaBabes’ faces reacting to the news.

      [ACT 2]
      Page 3:

      In their interdimensional spaceship, the MegaBabes travel to the dimension, between spaces of reality, where they believe the virus was spawned.
      Breakdown:
      Introduce biohazard suits and their dimension-blocking ability. The suits contain a pocket of reality from the original dimension inside them. Travel to Virus Dimension. Establishing shot of Virus Dimension.
      1. MegaBabes dressing in biohazard suits over their regular outfits.
      2. MegaBabes strap into their seats on the spaceship.
      3. Spaceship teleports away in a flash of light, leaving empty space behind.
      4. Spaceship appears in Virus Dimension in another flash of light.
      5. MegaBabes standing outside of the spaceship in the Virus Dimension, marvelling in awe at the vast grotesque beauty.

      Page 4:
      Marvelling at the grotesque beauty of the Virus Dimension, Fidget picks a pretty flower that she has never seen before. Due to the interdimensional nature of their biohazard suits, the MegaBabes each begin to show the effects of the virus, and start to mutate inside their suits. Dialogue to explain that the MegaBabes caught the virus from their own dimension by wearing the suits.
      Breakdown:
      1. Chemi and Daemiana turn to see Fidget admiring some strange flowers and tell her not to touch anything.
      2. Fidget looks at the flowers sadly.
      3. Fidget turns around to see that the other girls are starting to mutate within their biohazard suits.
      4. MegaBabes are standing around discussing matters, taking off their biohazard suits to reveal the extent of their mutations.
      5. Scythe leads the way as the MegaBabes unleash heavy firepower in all directions.
      6. The mutation of the landscape is catalysed by their attacks, resulting in more and bigger grotesque tentacles all around them. Their own mutations are exacerbated as well.

      [ACT 3]
      Page 5:

      Ultimately, they find the source of the virus before it is too late, onto which they unleash heavy firepower.
      Breakdown:
      1. MegaBabes point and look at the tentacles going towards a single point off in the distance.
      2. The MegaBabes’ mutations have progressed significantly by the time they reach a lone humanoid figure at the zenith of the tentacles, revealed to be the Virus God.
      3. Scythe grins malovently.
      4. The MegaBabes once again unleash their heavy firepower on to the Virus God.

      Page 6:
      They discover that they can’t vanquish the source of the virus, but they can stop it from leaking out of its own dimension and into ours.
      Breakdown:
      1. The Virus God and surrounding tentacles have grown huge and monstrous from the firepower. The MegaBabes mutations are almost critical and total. They are caught like flies in a spider web amongst the enflamed tentacles.
      2. During its monologue, the Virus God gestures towards an interdimensional rift that its tentacles are squeezing in to.
      3. Close up on MegaBabes’ faces being engulfed by the virus as they struggle to escape the tentacles in the landscape.
      4. The MegaBabes are almost completely mutated onto the Virus Organism.
      5. Virus God is gloating over the MegaBabes’ fully melted blobs
      6. Close up of MegaBabes eyes and mouths melting into surrounding tentacles.

      Page 7:
      They seal the interdimensional rift by containing it inside one of the biohazard suits, and escape from the Virus Dimension.
      Breakdown:
      1. An appendage holds up one of the biohazard suits from where Vanessa was, now all just puddles of goo.
      2. Shot of interdimensional gap with tentacles squeezing into it.
      3. MegaBabes’ speech bubbles come out from indeterminate points from amongst the blobby tentacles moving towards the rift. A couple of appendages are reach up to the dimensional rift with a biohazard suit outstretched.
      4. A Globulous mass that is the MegaBabes is writhing around. The interdimensional rift is contained inside a now inflated biohazard suit. They celebrate to themselves and call their ship to pick them up and take them back to their own dimension.

      [EPILOGUE]
      Page 8:

      Once out of the Virus Dimension, the MegaBabes have changed change back into their original forms. The AI intelligence reports that everyone who was affect by the virus is now clear as well.
      In the safety of their spaceship, Fidget emerges with a bulbous head, evidently the effects of a new virus brought on by the flower she picked and brought back. The rest of the MegaBabes shout at her in anger as their own heads swell up.
      Breakdown:
      1. Behind shot of MegaBabes sitting back in the spaceship seats as IO explains in front of the big screen.
      2. Closer front shot of MegaBabes sitting back in their renewed bodies.
      3. Fidget emerges with a bulbous head and runny nose, holding the flower she picked from the virus dimension.
      4. Chemi, Dot, Fem Fatale, Vanessa, Daemiana and Scythe furiously storm at Fidget as their heads begin to swell up.

    • #737
      John Ashton Golden
      Participant

      Hi all! Pardon the delay on this. I’m working on a parallel 8 page comic as well at this time, and some illustrations for a website. Just know I’ve had these characters kicking around in my head for 20+ years! here are some basic characters descriptions I typed up, based on old notes. This will continue to evolve. As I said in my initial post, I see “Robby Beyond” as an episodic series, ultimately, but in my 8 page story you will quickly learn just what our three main characters are all about in their essence. There will also be a fourth, sort of generic “baddie” race of beings that I’m still developing for the purpose of this 8 pager. I think they will have some sort of reptilian characteristics. They will be creepy looking, and obviously the malevolent captors of the story, but mostly incidental characters.

      ROBBY BEYOND
      Character Descriptions

      Robby [Granger]:
      Approximately 5’ 8”, 150lbs. Human. Midwest? Northeast?

      Robby is a 15-16 year old sophomore in high school. He is very intelligent, a loner, a misfit. Intellectual and somewhat misanthropic. Sardonic sense of humor, with a glimmer of optimism that peeks through at times. He has few friends, if any and gets picked on by some, though cautiously respected by many. Somewhat troubled family life re: parents fighting. A younger sister? Or an only child?

      He loves Bob Dylan. Loves old folk music, early jazz, blues, old country. A little bit of punk and metal here and there. Loves to read. Maybe he enjoys escapist sci-fi and fantasy? Or is it the opposite? He prefers more down to Earth, realistic fiction? He has an interest in the esoteric and the occult. He loves the outdoors and the peace and quiet of the wilderness. The splendor of Nature. He writes in a journal and enjoys drawing natural things that he encounters.

      Bi-Do Malfofa
      Approximately 7’ 6” – 8’ tall, 375-500+ lbs. Malfofa is the name of his race. They are a warrior clan, highly honorable, and though very intelligent and efficient, tend to veer away from the use of technology, favoring a more naturalistic, simple, approach to life.

      Bi-Do is a hulking, bestial brute with a majestic sense of pride. Feline in some ways. He is gruff and short-tempered. Quick to violence; but has a kind and noble, empathetic heart deep down.

      Bi-Do claims to have been appointed by his clan to seek out a mystical artifact of some sort which he believes will help his clansmen from some sort of affliction they face (Perhaps reproductive difficulties due to a changing atmosphere or pollutants they haven’t been able to identify). This is a very important mission and he holds great pride in being appointed to it. He takes this very seriously. Malfofas are a small, tight-knit, somewhat nomadic warrior race who are steeped in honor and tradition, Brash, belligerent, isolationist. They are omnivorous and somewhat agrarian despite their hunter/killer aspect. More Native American in their relationship to the land than anything. They will travel as needed to adapt and to cycle their use of the land.

      What we don’t know at first is that Bi-Do is hiding a secret from Robby and Skizazz. The full truth of his mission is yet to be revealed.

      He wears gloves, which his tribe normally does not, and we eventually old learn why this is the case, as the series progresses.

      Skizazz of Bleekreeg
      Approximately 6’ 5” – 6’ 8” tall, <100lbs
      Nation/Planet: Bleekreeg. Bleekreegian.

      Skizazz is tall, waif-like, spindly, very flexible. He is even able to elongate and compress his body to some slight degree. He is timid and skittish. He has a somewhat limited emotional spectrum it would seem. A bit “clueless” but very lovable (C3PO). He is very loyal to those he sees a friendly or who protect him. Is this self-preservation or true altruism. There is an ethereal quality to his presence. He possesses psionic capabilities including telepathy, translation, psychokinesis, clairvoyance, etc.

      Skizazz has crash-landed in this part of the world. Is he from off-planet or just another part of this very large planet? He claims to be on a mission.

      The Bleekreegians are a scientific race, highly evolved, but very curious and willing to exploit who they perceive to be less intelligent beings to their advantage. One might consider them greedy in many ways. They love to expand and improve and evolve both scientifically, technologically and psionically, but sometimes at the expanse of their own spirituality/heart/soul. They are definitely very curious beings.

      The Trio (Robby, Bi-Do, Skizazz)
      The three become very close friends as the series progresses. Eventually what we come to understand is the three all feel that they are outcasts of some kind, and have something to prove, as well as have a genuine common goal in mind (think Dorothy and crew having to find the Wizard of Oz for various reasons).

      Robby wants to get home. 

      Bi-Do seeks an artifact which he feels will save his race (redeem his honor)

      Skizazz seeks a way to fix his craft and succeed in his scientific mission.

    • #791
      Kyle Rose
      Participant

      I’m a little late to the party on this one but here is my revised outline. I’m still a little unsure of the pacing on pages 6-8 so if anyone has any suggestions I’d love to hear them. Thanks!

      Page 1
      The story opens in medias res as Abigail is stomping around the woods. She stumbles upon the time machine and falls in. It blips out of existence. While this is playing out we get a glimpse of her inner monologue via captions. Subtextually we can glean she had a fight with her parents off-panel about not accepting responsibility for her actions.

      Page 2
      In the future, the time machine appears, and Abigail tumbles out. Stunned, she starts to take in the sights around her and is noticed by a police officer (who can be seen in the background of the first panel). He approaches and questions her about the time machine and if she has permits to operate it.

      Page 3
      When Abigail can’t produce the proper paperwork, the officer says he’s arresting her for stealing the time machine. She pleads that this isn’t the case, and she has no idea how she got there. While He radios into headquarters that he’s apprehended someone for temporal theft, Abigail takes the opportunity to break his grip and flee.

      Page 4
      Abigail gives chase. She puts some distance between her and Officer Rob before being spotted by pigeons wearing security cameras. We see a shot from their perspective with a caption for Dispatch to Radio Abigail’s position to Rob.

      Page 5
      Abigail ducks behind an information kiosk, thinking she is safe. Rob finds Abigail and tells her she needs to take responsibility for her actions. She says she’s tired of being told that, throws her clutch at him and takes off running.

      Page 6
      Abigail spots another time machine being set up by its owner. Knocking him over, she jumps inside and slams the door shut. The machine’s A.I. asks her when she wants to go. She tells it 5 minutes before she left. The A.I. scans her, gets a temporal lock, and blinks out of existence.

      Page 7
      The time machine pops back into the present. Abigail runs back to the campsite to warn herself. When she gets there, her parents tell her, ‘that was quick.” Realizing she has just missed herself, she runs back into the woods.

      Page 8
      She gets to the time machine just in time to see her ‘past self’ fall in. After witnessing the loop she’s created, she returns to the campsite. With the realization that she was indeed guilty of stealing the time machine, she apologizes to her family for not taking responsibility for her earlier transgression.

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