Reply To: #8PgChallenge – STEP 5 – Scripting

#944
Todd Matthy
Participant

@jarrodelvin
Hi Jarrod, I like this story. Its fun and imaginative. The only thing I’d do is reduce the amount of dialogue you have because I don’t see how it’ll all fit into a panel. I’d made a list of panels where I think this will be useful. Hope this helps.

1.2: I’d make this less wordy.
2.2
2.3: I’d show the girls getting serious instead.
3.1: I’d cut the entirety of IO’s first round of dialogue. The next two lines sum up what you need to get across.
4.2
5.1
5.2
6.1


@gdawkins2

Your story flows really well, however some panels are missing descriptions and only have dialogue which made it difficult to figure out the story’s rhythm. I made some suggestions for adjustments based on what I’ve read to help things flow better. Hope it helps.

3.1-I’d cut this and have Lavatasha immediately have her entrance.
4.1: Move this dialogue to the previous page.
4.2: Move Lavatasha’s dialogue up to 4.1
4.3-4.4: Combine these.

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