Reply To: #8PgChallenge – STEP 2 – Feedback + Plotting

#506
Matthew Timpanelli
Participant

Here is my 8pg Plot.

Parasomnia by Matthew Timpanelli

Page 1: Open mid dream. A man paralyzed in his bed hearing howls in the distance getting closer. He makes out a voice calling to him. His fear is crippling and gets so intense as he makes out apparitions coming closer and closer and he wakes up sweating profusely. With the words echoing in his mind from the voice calling him “We are in this together.”

Page 2: Earlier that day… You see an empty stage as the spotlights go out. The audience can only make out a slight reflection from a microphone stand and a shadowy figure blending into the darkness. A man recites a poem… Each line is accompanied by random flashbacks of the man’s life. Each scene represents a moment which the man is socializing with others. The poem conveys that each interaction was forced and ingenuine.

Page 3: Flash forward to the man going home after the event, laying down in bed reflecting as you see ghosts peeking out of the shadows in the corners and crevices of the room. You then see the man asleep in bed and visibly struggling. The man begins to sweat as you faintly see the form of a woman reaching out to him from the ceiling. “Don’t be afraid” … You then see a close up of the man’s eyes open.

Page 4: The next day the man is struggling at work in the coffee shop as he hasn’t gotten any sleep the night before. Taking orders from people and writing their names incorrectly on cups. Later, on break his co-worker/friend asks him if he’s ok because he seems like he’s “not all there”. “Just haven’t gotten much sleep is all. Don’t really want to be here today, or ever for that matter.” His mind drifts off as the panel fast forwards to after work as he’s in the same position as before with his same friend from work. His friend is now talking about his performance the previous night. “Man you really killed it last night. We were all talking about it when you left. You shoulda stuck around. Where did you go?”

Page 5: in bed again and you see an ominous figure hovering him as hes drifting off. Zoom in as you see his eyes close. He opens them and he is in another world. Fire is billowing around him in the distance and he is in some sort of labyrinth. He turns around and a woman takes his hand “stay with me, this way” She points down the pathway with her giant sword. As they attempt to move the man is held back by a flying demon. The woman turns and swings her sword, the demon evades the attack and grabs her hair twisting her head around and the man wakes up suddenly in his bed again. He sits up quickly as he opens his eyes and sees a long strand of hair floating and slowly falling. He reaches up to catch it in his hand and he hears “it’s ok. I’m with you”

Page 6: He gets up and walks over to his studio where he takes out his watercolor paints and begins to paint the scene from his dream. He begins to draw the woman’s face and he hears her voice again. “We are in this together.”

Page 7: The next day he visits his sister. Her clothing suggests she’s into new age philosophy. They are walking in the woods in a park and he’s explaining his weird dreams to her. She talks about Jungian philosophy and archetypes and tries to interpret his dream. He is fatigued and a bit crazed. The insomnia is taking its toll on his psyche. He takes his hand off his head and turns around and sees a woman pass by and hears “i’m with you”. His sister goes on to say he needs rest and he turns to look but the woman that passed is no longer there. “Did you just…” he begins to say but stops himself and says “nevermind”.

Page 8: The man and his friends are at the coffee shop sitting and chatting. He is somewhere else in his mind seeing visions of demons and ghosts from his dreams as his friends chat together. One of his friends is scrolling on their phone and turns to the other to show something they found. “Hey man check it out your viral.” He looks to see a video of his performance from the other night on youtube. Entitled “the man who isnt there” Cut to a different phone showing the same video and then you see the person viewing it resembles the woman from his dreams. She puts her phone down and reflects on what she’s seen and you see in the corners of her room ghosts creeping out and the shadow of a flying demon outside her window.


@mrKylerose
Thanks! I have been struggling with figuring out how to make it a complete story in 8 pages. It is indeed meant to be part of a larger ongoing saga. I had similar feedback from Doug Wood.

I believe I have addressed this however by giving enough to make it stand alone as a complete short story with the readers imagination to fill in what happens from then on.


@zammap
I watched Brazil again and there are definitely similarities but not so much to keep me from moving forward. I definitely have been inspired much by this film and some other Gilliam flicks like Dr Parnassus, baron von munchausen, etc… However the most inspiration for this is actually from my own life.

I haven’t decided the main characters name. I realize I might have gone a bit into the next step with dialogue and such.

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