Reply To: #8PgChallenge – STEP 2 – Feedback + Plotting

#469
Sathem
Participant

I got some feedback from a friend and here’s my breakdown!

Paradiso

Page 1: wide shot of the expedition, the jungle is alien and wild
there is a clear division between the boffers and the grunts
Samander hitches a ride on the side of the burden-beast
The boffers sneer at her and the grunts have a good-natured envy

Page 2: A brief rest means Samander starts peeling vegetables
the procession is started up again, disrupting Samander
they travel though a tree-tunnel
and emerge and discover a tomb

Page 3: Samander distributes lunch, the boffers are discussing translations
The grunts are discussing curses
They are shot down and told it has been 50 years since sapient life went extinct

Page 4: The seal is broken and Samander is picked (forced) to go along
they come across a big chamber with a river, an island in the center
on the island lies a ‘corpse’

Page 5: the man is still alive

Page 6: the boffers discuss the man
samander brings him a meal which he denies so she sits with him to eat it
he monologues at her and decides he likes her

Page 7: Samander wakes and everyone is gone
She leaves the tomb to the scene of a massacre

Page 8: the man finishes eating from the crew and introduces himself
He decides Samander will be his companion and will lend credibility to their rescue
she decides why the hell not because she was taking shit jobs anyway

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