Reply To: #8PgChallenge – STEP 2 – Feedback + Plotting

#441
Zammap
Participant

I wanna be that weirdo who gives feed back for EVERYONE. Even if it’s just stating my impression lol

Started already in the Step 1 Thread, but I will continue in here. Also figured out how to tag people XD

@Rakeem Nelson : I really like how there is a solid plot here. Only issue I have is with the ending. Like, wouldn’t Vanessa have noticed something as large as a bow gone missing? And even if you did change it to something smaller she was already in the room before, hanging out and drinking for a while. It could have very well fallen off then and the possibility of her being innocent is open.

@Kyle Rose: Whoa, that’s very fast pased and I’m wondering how all that is going to fit in eight pages.

@Kris Burgos : It’s very interesting and good that you already have a visual style set up for it (as that will be doing have the work) but I’m left a little disappointed at the ending. I feel like it doesn’t have one at all. The pay off at this point is to have some really epic looking monsters revealed but you don’t really get to know if they win the last fight. If anything an emasphine will have to be made that the girl is scared and weak so that when she stands up at the end it’s more impactful.

@K S : I know this is part of a bigger story but as a stand a lone short it really just makes me ask a lot of questions. Like, why are they jumping around and using up fuel? Who are they? Where do they and their tech come from? Where are they now? Where do they go? Why another cliff hanger to what seems like the conclusion of another cliff hanger? How will these questions be addressed in this short? Why should the reader care about all this? Without this information the reader wont be invested in why all that stuff is happening.


@BuddyScalera
: Oh no, gonna talk down on Buddy. Help me. Oh wait, this is really solid. I think it would be funny if the person turns out to be a hero, who is also under disguise (which is why they accidentally ended up looking like the villain without knowing, since it was before his time) and the reason why the “villain” was acting dodgy was being he was eye balling Crisis thinking HE was another villain based on his disguise. LOL In general it reminds me a lot of japanese live action hero shows. They do the silliest stuff while being totally serious about it.

@John Ashton Golden : I am big fan of the “quest for home” concepts. LOL Sometimes they can be very thin and just a way to explore fun concepts and imagery with no real plot or character development (and get away with it), but sometimes, like in your long form case, can be a solid story. I see that you have a good over all set up and even a good quick way to introduce the concept/story so we get right into the action, but there are still so many details that need to be filled in, and you don’t have much time! And considering there are a lot of stories that follow this model those details are what’s going to be the most important part of YOUR story and what will set it apart from all the others.

Perhaps for “time’s” sake get rid of the flash back intro from Robby’s POV and start instead with the parents and the investigator. That scene will tell us the same information (that he is missing, and the town he’s from) and will save you a page. That way the parent scene will also not interrupt the main action. It will also flow well that the investigator might know what’s going on and then to see what IS going on.

If this fleshes out nicely and the details make it stand out I might consider illustrating this one.

@Victor Dandridge : I really like the ending. In fact, I noticed, the ending is what really makes or breaks these stories. But it also hangs a little on tone. Depending on how it’s pulled off it could be serious, or it could be comedic.

@Mike Sangregorio : This is a really great idea but I’m concerned how all of that is going to fit on the eight pages as well as conveying what is going on (visually or through though bubbles).

@Jarrod Elvin : Finally a story featuring babes- I mean, yeah this works. I normally don’t want to see stories about stuff that reminds readers about the real virus but this is taking it to such an extreme fantasy edge that it works. But it really does feel like a comic that is going to be heavily dependent on the artwork (which I see is what you are going to be doing). And of course, that’s the fun punny ending that I always find works.

@Leon Skograv : Very wholesome and simple. Wondering what kind of tone you will go for.

@Doug Wood : If this story is about a prison for super villains why not up the elements to match. Instead of drugs why not something more sci-fi or super? You know, just to make things more creative.

  • This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by Zammap.
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