Reply To: Flash Fiction Challenge

#1725
A. A. Rubin
Moderator

Here is my working draft. I am about 63 words over right now, and I would like to smooth out some of the imagery, but I think that while it is not finished, it is coming along well.

My focused feedback question is, what do you think of the present tense narration? Conventionally, a story like this would be told in past tense, but i place it in present to up the immediacy. Good decision, or meh?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TwUc2X3xfb0H4TnuebO_dz7l1M6lpMHAINvUf5nqGY0/edit?usp=sharing


@gdawkins2
, have you confirmed your artist? Also, I really like your concept. You do have some room for expansion, and I’d love to see you either A. add some dialogue between the black knight and Sir Henryk, or B further develop the narrator’s voice. To me, the strongest section is when he describes his relationship with the horse. Seeing that, I was hoping you could add similar details elsewhere to develop your narrator’s character.


@redheadeded
, I like how you build tension throughout, and how you set up tension in the end. I might consider starting the piece with some dialogue rather than a description of your character’s emotions? Rather than telling how he felt, can you show it through dialogue or action?

I hope everyone is on track for Monday. If not, please let me know so I can discuss options with Buddy. The comics are due on the 26th, but I set the deadline a few days before since someone will have to typeset the stories and layout the pages (unlike comics pages, which come lettered), but given the relative number of stories, we might be able to wriggle-out a few more days.

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